"Miserere mei, Deus..."

Starting from scratch...

2011-10-05T23:27:00.004+08:00

So, in about less than a week, I will be running MY LAST EVENT OF THE YEAR. Gah. Enough already. I have gone through 7 conferences in the past 6 months! I'm about to vomit at the word "conference".

I'm so looking forward to a time of eat alot, and exercise ALOT more after the last event. Am probably going to clear all my leaves and timeoffs and park myself at east coast park EVERYDAY to run.

I'm no longer as fit as I was last year really. My stamina for long distances is gone. I need to start from scratch to slowly build it up. Last week's 5 km run was not good. The lungs hurt and I had to stop and walk along the way. This week is better, 6km non-stop, but in shorter time too. Not good enough of cos since I have a half marathon to complete next week. But at least its an improvement!

Can't wait to begin a lifestyle of work-exercise balance! I really really need to lose weight already.

Heaven in my mouth!

2011-09-16T22:27:00.006+08:00

Earl Grey Choco cake from Flor Patisserie!

This stuff is awesome! Susan brought me to this cake shop that was near her workplace. It's at Duxton Hill, and it was opened by some Japanese chef by the name of Yamashita.

Decided to try the earl grey choco cake because I simply adore the smell of earl grey! Man, was it good! I was literally squealing in orgasmic delight at every mouth!

They had fresh bananas in the middle and the little choco bits together with the slightly crispy "crust" on the sides of the cake "oozed" out fumes of earl grey like tiny bits of mouth freshers when you bite into them!

So much earl grey heavenly goodness! I thought I saw rainbows and fireworks with each mouthful! :D

This doesn't come cheap tho ($6.50), but definitely worth every cent spent! Calories well spent as well!

Am already planning my next trip there!

My very own events timetable! :)

2011-06-11T01:15:00.004+08:00

28/05/11 - Sundown Marathon 42 km
3/07/11 - Great Eastern Women 10 km
28/08/11 - Adidas King of the Road 16.8 km
4/09/11 - Army Half Marathon 21 km
4/12/11 Standard Chartered Marathon 42 km

For once, my very OWN events timetable! :)

Another 42km under my belt!

2011-05-30T17:59:00.009+08:00

Finally. After kicking my ass in 2010, the medal is finally mine this year. Although this is the second marathon I am completing, it was definitely different this time as it was at this very marathon, the sundown marathon where I failed.

This was also an emotional day for me, as I could totally feel God's grace. Many people would know that I totally did not train at all for this marathon. I had just started the new job which kept me incredibly busy, and then I was battling with a bad stomach for weeks on end.

To be honest, I really wasn't expecting to even complete it as running only made the stomach feel worse.

But then, I not only completed. I achieved my personal best at this marathon as well! I completed a good 50 mins ahead of my last marathon timing.

Ok, I know perhaps the weather did play a huge part as well, at least I did not have to battle with sun burn, and I did not have a mental breakdown as with the stand chart. But it matters not.

The last 5km was the longest 5km of my life. A churchmate who was awake catching the football match, saw my facebook updates and asked me if I was still running. I told him yes, and asked him to pray for me.

So he prayed for me on facebook and can I just say that the last 5km was very emotional for me? Another churchmate mentioned that I had divine intervention.

Actually, I believe that He was running the full 42km with me, cheering me on when I could no longer, motivating me when it got lonely, and giving me strength for the last 5km. How else can I explain achieving my personal best without any training and battling a bad stomach for weeks leading up to the night before the marathon?

I had secretly wanted to give up. Thanks for not letting me give up! I love my God.

Whee!!

2011-05-25T23:15:00.002+08:00

Am glad! A friend asked me today if she can take part in the next stand chart marathon with me! I finally found someone who is willing to run the 42 km distance with me!!!!

Haha! On another note, finally managed to cover some decent distance today after almost 3 weeks of a bad stomach which really put me out from any serious distances. Am so grateful and thankful for that really.

My only hope for the marathon on Saturday is to complete it. Please pray for me!

Never, never, never give up!

2011-05-23T22:51:00.005+08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile, but I really don't have much to say and work's been crazy. I must say, when you earn more, much more is expected of you.

Anyways, I have been battling with an upset stomach for the 3rd week now already. I don't know what is it, but its always so bloated that I feel as if it's going to burst. Seen the doc, and got some meds, but the stomach did not seem to react to them. Sigh.

The marathon is this weekend. Anyone ever ran with a bloated stomach? I haven't gotten down to any serious training this time around with the workload and then the upset stomach. Am not even sure if I can actually run, let alone complete it.

But I'm going to try anyhow. Because I'm a runner, and runners don't give up. :)

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy..."

2011-04-11T21:43:00.001+08:00

'They that sow in tears shall reap in joy...'
Poem by Clara Jacob 1875

Sow ye the precious seed of life
Though all around oppose
God who the seed to thee has given
Can conquer all thy foes

Sow ye the seed, be not dismayed
Now is the time to sow
To scatter fast the precious seed
Short is the time below

Sow ye the seed although the ground
A barren waste may lie
The precious seed is God's own care
He will not let it die

Sow ye the seed although earth's tares
Are round thee everywhere
Thou knowest not, the little seed
May spring and grow e'en there

Sow ye the seed although the heart
Stony and hard may prove
Maybe the stony heart may yield
With faithful words of love

Sow ye the seed, although with grief
The heart is bowed low
Go tell of him who grief and pain
Bore for us here below

Sow ye the seed, the reaping time
Is quickly drawing near
When all the sheaves we'll see above
That we have gathered here

'Tis then our life of toil and care
Our sowing time will cease
And on our loving Saviour's breast
We'll find eternal peace

About the new job...

2011-04-10T04:04:00.005+08:00

So it's been slightly over a month at the new job. Work's been busy, and filled with quite alot of uncertainty I must say. My co is currently experiencing a wave of changes, and it feels as if we are going through a phase in the cycle where there is some sort of a manpower "renewal".

There have been lots of resignations and new staff around me, and yes, I am a tad worried, as I'm now the only person left in the events department once my other colleagues finish serving their notices.

I have a boss who is busier than Obama I think. To give you an indication of how things are, of the month odd that I have been here, the total no. of hours I spent with her added together amounts to less than 24 hours.

She does not have time to guide me or sometimes, even to give proper instructions. All the stuff I did and had to do were guesses on my part, and asking and looking around what my colleagues did. Thankfully, with the training from my previous job, did help me to make "clever guesses".

Still the learning curve is steep as healthcare conferences is not my forte afterall, and honestly, I don't like working like this. Not one bit at all.

Despite that, thankfully, I have a sane boss, who, so far, does seem to be a good boss. She would jump in and "protect" us from getting pushed around by external parties. Also, she cares enough to make sure that the workload does not overwhelm any of us.

That, is something I do appreciate.

Close friends have been trying to convince me that I should probably start looking for another job, as mass resignations often are tell-tale signs of problems with either the management, the organisation, or the workload.

So far, I think I like my boss, tho colleagues have been complaining about some of her quirks. I have not personally experienced any of that yet, or maybe, after you came out from hell, your tolerance for nonsense gets higher?

Workload is crazy actually. Looking at all the things my colleagues have to do, soon, it will be my turn nearing to the event date. I hope we get replacement staff like real soon, else all the conferences listed on the calendar is going to fall on my lap. Not fun.

I'm on the fence actually. I'm not really sure if I want to stay on, or to find another job. On one hand, I feel like I want to help my boss, tho I do feel that perhaps, its not within my means.

Also, I don't have the heart to resign on her now especially after her telling me how upset and demoralised she felt with all the resignations. On the other hand, I'm afraid that the longer I stay, the more emotions I'll invest, and then it'll be harder to leave.

Sigh. :(

"Kyrie Eleison"

2011-03-13T23:58:00.004+08:00

Haven't updated my blog in a while. A couple of things have changed since and I just was not in the mood to blog.

I should be in bed now but I could't get to sleep. My thoughts and prayers are with Japan in this dreadful time of post disaster grieving, healing and rebuilding of lives as the nation struggles to return to normalcy.

The recent spate of natural disasters' got me really afraid actually and could not help but call to mind a verse: Matthew 24: 3-8.

3As He was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things happen, and what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?”
4And Jesus answered and said to them, “See to it that no one misleads you. 5“For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many. 6“You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. 7“For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes.8“But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

The next day after I looked up this verse, a singer artiste that I am following on facebook posted a screen shot of this exact same passage that she was reading on her iphone. That sent shivers down my spine, and the first thing that came to my mind was, "Lord, have mercy."

Today, I was at church and the choir sang a really beautiful hymn which totally relates to what I have been feeling of late. I thought I'll share it here:

"Kyrie Eleison (Most Holy One)"

Kyrie eleison, Kyrie eleison.
Lord, have mercy,
Lord have mercy on me, on me.

Christe eleison, Christe eleison.
Christ, have mercy,
Christ have mercy on me, on me.

Most Holy One, Father, Righteous Son,
You who called my name before
You spoke the worlds to be.

From Your place on high,
Hear a sinner's cry for mercy,
Lord, I pray: Kyrie,
Kyrie eleison, Kyrie eleison.
Lord, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy on me, on me.

Christ have mercy,
Lord, have mercy on me, on me.
Lord, I pray. Kyrie Kyrie.

Listen to this beautiful prayer here.

Please do pray for Japan of course, and also many others who are affected by various natural disasters that may not have made it into international newspapers, and intercede for them.

Shalom.

FREEDOM!! At LONG last!!

2011-01-31T22:53:00.004+08:00

Today is WAS my last day at that h*ll hole of a company! I'm glad I could finally step out of the place and there is NO LOOKING BACK! At my previous other jobs, last days were sometimes a tad emotional especially when you have some colleagues or habits even that you miss.

But here at this place, I totally felt RELIEVED that the nightmare has all come to an end! I guess it also helps that all the people I cared about in the co have already left haha!

Anyways. Moving RAPIDLY on!

I'm loving my newfound freedom and am so looking forward to a brand new beginning! Life can only get better! 2011! BRAND NEW beginning!

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my much awaited break before I start the new job!

Two forces in this world

2011-01-27T16:36:00.003+08:00

I realised a little something, and this is just a random observation. To be honest, this isn't something that just suddenly hit me, actually, I've noticed it before, but just did not think much of it then.

So anyways.

I figured that there must be at least two main forces in this world. The good, and the bad in essence. Nothing surprising right? Actually, I'm just conveniently classifying it, I realised that for every negative energy/force/person there will be positive ones as well.

For the longest time, I realised that this always seems to happen, whenever I get to know a particular someone, or am drawn to a particular person who happens to be bubbly, lively and in general, very positive, I will someone get to know someone else who happens to be an exact opposite.

It is eerie but true! This does not only happens in my social circles, but also at my work place! Two bosses, one immensely positive, and another the exact opposite and in EXTREME degrees too!

I started looking around me and realised that the same "principle" exists elsewhere as well. In product development, in media, in EVERYTHING.

I give you an example. I LLLOOOVVVEEE my care bears. I used to think they were so gayish and so, let's just say, not realistic. But that's besides the point. I think most people know that care bears are about all the positive things in life.

Like, love, sunshine, cheer, good luck, etc, etc, etc. If you think back to the developing stage of the care bear characters, SOMEONE OUT THERE must have thought of all these when he/her created the care bear characters right?

And that somebody must to some extend, believe or at least HOPE for all those elements in life.

On the other hand, we have the more negative characters as well, they totally talk about death, about emo-ness or in general, just sick topics (I don't want to name any brands lest I get sued). But you get the drift!

Oh well. Just food for thought!

Random

2011-01-21T01:13:00.003+08:00

I am actually quite free as you can tell. So I thought I'll just post a quick update. This is a tad old news actually, cos it happened a while back, just that I was not in the frame of mind to share at that time with all the problems at work.

So yea, it's nothing surprising actually. I signed up for the sundown marathon in end May this year. It will be my 3rd marathon so far, and my 2nd one done during the night.

The previous 2 were not that great, with the focus really on just completing it, so I am hoping that this time, I will be able to finish with a better timing this time around.

That means I will have to really push myself to train HARDER. Anyways, since I will be getting the whole month of February off before I start the new job, I guess I'll really have all the time in the world to train. :)

Laters.

Things are looking good!

2011-01-19T23:28:00.008+08:00

So, I have already tendered my resignation and am currently serving my 3rd week of notice. Can I just say how awesome it feels to not give a $^&*^$*%!!! what stunts and bullshit that goes on?

I still have about 8 more work days to go and I can't wait! It's funny how after going through 3.5 long years of sheer misery, the last 8 days seem so ridiculously grueling.

Anyways.

I must say that since tendering, I did indeed feel alot more happier and am definitely more cheerful. There is a certain gladness in the heart that gives me that smile in your sleep kinda feeling.

Of course, its not that things at work have gotten any better, it still is crap (actually its much more crappier now) but I realized that I no longer take certain people and the things that certain people do that seriously anymore.

Honestly, I have myself to blame in part for my misery. Friends who know me know that I can be overly serious at times, and truth be told, I really took the things that certain people say/do VERY SERIOUSLY which was why I was so freaking miserable.

I must say that I don't regret my decision to leave at all. I really needed to break the cycle, and it was definitely one that was a downward spiral. Deciding to leave really opened my eyes to alot of detrimental habits, environment and situations that I was really too blind to see previously. So in a way I was glad that things turned out so bad as that literally forced me to make the decision to leave.

It was totally the situation of leaving is tough, but staying is way tougher.

I like the purge of negative energy and the feeling of hope that things are only going to get better! For the first time in a long long while, I actually felt that tomorrow will only get better and I'm EXCITED!

Also, I found a job while serving notice, and will be due to start work on 1st March after I sign the appointment letter tomorrow. So I am actually going to get the entire month of February off before starting work. Am so looking forward to a decent break with ECP outings with Susan!!

Oh, and did I forget to mention that I am going away for a trip to Hong Kong and Macau with the family in the 3rd week of February? EXCITEMENT!

Things are looking good finally!! I thank God for His grace to show me the detrimental ways I have been living in and setting me on the road to recovery. I feel blessed!

Good riddance to bad rubbish

2011-01-17T14:54:00.004+08:00

I cannot wait to leave my current co. Really. The more things I find out each day, the more disgusted I feel. I'm trying terribly hard not to feel bitter in the midst of it all really.

I actually came across a job ad that my co put up with recruit express and apparently, they are looking for someone to replace the position I vacated. They are looking for an "EVENTS MANAGER". I read the job description and realised that it is EVERYTHING that I am doing right now or have been doing for the past THREE AND THE HALF YEARS.

And that's not the best part yet. The best part is, they are offering a salary range of between 3k to 5k!!!

Can you imagine?!

For the past THREE AND A HALF YEARS, I have been working under the title of ACCOUNT freaking COORDINATOR with an ACCOUNT freaking COORDINATOR's pay and doing the job of an EVENTS MANAGER.

Seriously, WTF.

I can't believe that I have been so underpaid for so long and so overworked. Don't even get me started on how they haven't given me bonuses all these years and how unappreciative they have been to the point of even complaining that I go for lunch everyday and knock off at 6 sharp.

#$^%^&^&%!!!!

I bet they must have been laughing all the way to the bank each month. I'm probably their best deal they have had in a long while yet.

Thank goodness I did not buy in to the idea of working over lunch or skipping lunch in order to complete more work. That would have made me an even bigger fool in EVERY aspect.

Oh, and did I forget to mention, a colleague of mine just told me this, "no matter how well you do the handover, NOBODY's going to know the thing better than you cos you did all the leg work. SO YOU SHOULD GO FOR THE PITCH MEETING." And she also told me NOT to tell the potential client that I'm leaving.

Seriously, this is total crap. I feel my work life is so freaking colorful that I could probably made a drama series out of it.

Anyways. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I know this may sound wrong, but I take comfort in the fact that there is such a thing as poetic justice in this world.

PFFFF

Epiphany

2011-01-11T10:22:00.008+08:00

During epiphany week, I had an epiphany. A tad late actually, but I'm glad it came nonetheless. Many of my friends who know me, know that I am someone who craves for job satisfaction. And for the longest time, I have been searching for that so-called "dream job" or "calling".

I actually believed that I am not feeling satisfied/fulfilled/happy because I wasn't doing what I was meant to be doing, and did of course kinda think that as long as I can find that so-called "dream job" I would be happy.

Nothing wrong with really wanting to find that "dream job" or to find my calling in life. In fact, there really isn't anything wrong with seeking job satisfaction. But I was so obsessed with finding it that it totally stressed me out that I have still yet to find that job when I'm about to hit my 30s.

It definitely didn't help that I didn't know what I wanted to do in life, and along the way, I have learned that doing the things that you are good at doing, doesn't necessarily make one happy.

On that note, I ended 2010 with a heavy heart. Alot of things happened and I was starting to really think about where do I go from here. Leaving my current job took alot of courage especially when I was leaving without a job.

I prayed hard and went into a state of anxiety. Christmas came and went, and still nothing could calm my fears.

I had an epiphany yesterday when a job offer suddenly brought to mind the Christmas sermon we had on Christmas day.

I can't really remember the topic of pastor Melvin's sermon, but I remembered a story he told of a man who had for years, been searching for the perfect Christmas. Apparently, this was a true story, and it was a reflection that he had.

Being married with kids, this guy had for many years wanted what he deemed as a perfect Christmas with just him and his wife. But every year, they were unable to get away because of various commitments.

During one particular Christmas, a mini drama unfolded in his living room. One of the presents under the Christmas tree caught fire. His instinct was to put out the fire by stepping on it, but he forgot that he was wearing furry lion head bedroom slippers. That made the fire worse.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the family put out the fire and it left a mess in the living room. So much for a perfect Christmas.

But he started reflecting on how he had for years, been so obsessed with wanting that perfect Christmas that he had totally missed the entire message of Christmas.

He went on to say that honestly, the Christmases that he has had so far, though not perfect, was good, and felt that perhaps, nevermind perfect, good is enough. He thought about the circumstances surrounding that first Christmas and felt that after all, the first Christmas was not perfect either.

That got me thinking abit last night. Perhaps, like his case, there isn't such a thing as a "dream job" after all, and perhaps, even if someday I land myself in what I deem as a "dream job", I would not find happiness either.

It did suddenly seem like I have spent so much time and energy searching for that "dream job", and I perhaps, I have totally missed the whole point about being happy, having contentment and fulfillment in life.

Oh well, food for thought. It's delayed since the message came during Christmas, but I'm glad at least it came. =)

At long last...

2011-01-06T15:05:00.004+08:00

This post is a wee bit late actually. I FINALLY tendered my resignation on the first day I went back to work.

I can no longer take it any more. I am tired of feeling guilty for going for lunch, feeling guilty about taking leaves and going on trips, tired of worrying what awaits me from the boss when I don't reply my emails almost immediately when I travel.

Lowly paid and overworked. I felt a tad heartbroken the other day when I realised that the co did in fact give out performance bonuses. In my THREE and a HALF years here, I've NEVER gotten any, and I thought that the co did not have the habit of giving anything else more than AWS.

I think about the projects that I worked so hard for, all the over the night working, and all the time I spent ALL BY MYSELF with no support from anyone, I feel sorry for myself. Really. And as if that wasn't enough, I have to cover the assess of my colleagues, and sometimes even do THEIR JOBS for them, only to find out that they got performance bonuses.

Like, WHERE IS THE PERFORMANCE?! I can't believe that I allowed myself to be so shortchanged for so freaking long, and seriously, why the hell did I even care so much about the company? GAH. Disgusted.

Good riddance. Anyways.

I have not found a job yet, but I do need a break quite badly. I do hope to land something decent before money runs out tho!

I haven't quite decided what I want to do next, but in the meantime, I'm going to start my eat, sleep, eat, sleep, run, rewind and repeat cycle.

Cheers to a brand new beginning!

2011-01-01T02:24:00.004+08:00

2010 is finally over. I'm glad to move on to a new year and hopefully, this year would be a much better and productive year for me. For the most part of 2010, it felt like it was on a fast forward mode for me.

Things were happening real quick especially with work being so hectic, changes in management, which inevitably mean changes in the way we do things. New management means new rules, new temperament, new expectations, new everything.

I did not enjoy 2010 actually. Though I must say, that 2010 did indeed see me travelling about mostly the ASEAN region quite abit for work. It was indeed an eye opener to experience the vast difference in culture and the way our Asian neighbors do business in general.

2010 was also a struggle for me too. It was a season or rather, trend of last minute events coming my way. The stress and pressure cooker environment that I had to work in for the large part, all by myself was daunting and traumatic.

I was glad tho that after much persuasion, my boss did finally agree to let another colleague work on events with me, but that opened yet another chapter of problems.

With the additional headcount, boss was expecting technically for us to cover the jobs of 2 persons each. But as I was doing the jobs of as many as 9 - 10 persons myself, he is in fact expecting us to cover the workload of 18 - 20 persons.

And you know, with a person new on the job, that realistically isn't going to happen.

Of course my new partner is a smart girl who has initiative and learns pretty fast too, but it doesn't help at all in managing expectations from the boss and the fact that all of a sudden, people become so critical with regards to how resources are being used, and profitability.

I kinda feel that it was my fault actually. I have spoiled the market in the beginning, and everything just snowballed from there.

My world came crashing down on me during one of the events I was working on. A major screw up led to a series of ugly situations, and one problem after another. Can't really blame anyone actually. Millions of oversights on my part due to dips in my productivity level of course.

Sigh. How I wished I had raised the alarm early in the beginning. My friend is right, I ought to learn how to manage myself better.

Sigh. What's done cannot be undone. To be honest, I can't get over it, and have been deeply affected by it till now. The feeling of letting people down feels totally disgusting that it makes me nauseous. Truth is, I am finding it difficult to face my client, who happens also to be my friend.

Anyhow, I am glad to have 2010 over and done with. A church mate I met after watch night covenant renewal service said to me: may this new year be a year of personal bests. Indeed, I long to start anew, a brand new beginning, a year of personal bests not just in terms of running.

I want to start 2011 right in the right place, with the right frame of mind as well. Decisions have been made and I pray for grace to keep to my promises.

Have a blessed new year everyone!

*P/S: EL, if you are reading this, I'm terribly sorry, I know probably that no words can make up for all that has happened.

Is loneliness really a choice? WARNING: Emo post.

2010-12-18T23:13:00.003+08:00

A pastor once said in his sermon to the singles out there, that loneliness is a choice. Is it?

For the most part of my life, I enjoy doing many things alone. I loved spending time alone, trekking alone, going for long runs alone, going for meals at restaurants alone, shopping alone, going for movies/concerts/plays alone, cooking alone and even going to church alone.

People who know me might think that it's normal coming from me since I am such an anti-social person. Guess what? It actually isn't.

I have always craved attention as a kid. I enjoyed the company of my close friends, classmates, and favorite relatives, etc. But for some reason, close friends and relatives alike either did not enjoyed my company as much as I did theirs, or they simply did not have that time for me.

So in time to come, I learnt to be independent and learned to live my life without them cos they are so often unavailable, and not surprisingly, we grew apart. To the point where, indifference sets in.

I must admit that the MANY setbacks in life as a kid helped me learn to become more dependent on myself. When I was younger, I wouldn't go to movies alone. I would wait for a friend to watch it with me, and sometimes, actually many a times, I would wait until the movie is over only to find that that particular friend have already watched it with their bfs or their gang of good friends.

I wouldn't go to concerts or plays alone cos everyone else around me had a partner. It was just too daunting to go alone. I would wait for MONTHS to go to a gym, cos I could not find a gym buddy who had time to go every week consistently. And I waited an entire year for my bro who said he wanted to take piano lessons. Of cos, a year later, he changed his mind.

After about almost 20 years of living life like that, I decided if I waited for company, I would probably missed out on many things in life. So I taught myself to live without company, I made friends with loneliness.

I started doing many things alone. I watched concerts, plays and movies alone. I ran alone, took part in marathons alone, completed a marathon alone, took up viola lessons alone, went back to church alone, went to gym alone and went on a weight loss regime alone.

But every now and then, I still feel incredibly lonely, especially at this age where all my friends are married and are starting families of their own.

In fact, the only people who would care about spending time with me are probably my parents. But how much time am I left with them? I'm actually afraid to think what life would be like when they are gone.

Honestly, I long for people who shares my love for music, friends I can bounce ideas off with, friends who can accompany me on the piano for a piece or something, who understand when music hits the soul deep. Or even friends who could understand the joys and pains of running, who kicks your butt every now and then when there is no motivation to run, etc.

But, I am my best friend and worst enemy. Sigh. What am I doing wrongly?

A runner's fuel = Anger, Frustration, Embarrassment.

2010-12-05T19:07:00.011+08:00

Today is an emotional day for me.

About half a year ago, I took part in my first ever marathon with the Adidas Sundown Marathon. Honestly, I still didn't know why I did since I was never fond of running all my life, nor did I have the stamina for it.

Needless to say, I have never attempted any distance more than 15 km in my life, nor ever took part in any form of walking races, let alone the running ones.

Well, some of you would remember that I had a bad fall which pretty put me out of exercise for a good couple of months, so I really did not train for it at all.

As many already know, I did not manage to complete my first marathon. I was in excruciating pain during the last 15 odd km when my hamstring totally contracted and stiffened making even walking at a pace of 1km per 15 mins painful to say the very least.

I only managed to do 38 km before I hopped on the shutter bus for the last runners. It was very disappointing to say the very least. So in less than an hour after that marathon, I made the decision to do the Standard Chartered Marathon simply because I HAD TO complete 42 km at least once in my lifetime.

So, today's the day of the Standard Chartered Marathon. I was never a fan of exercising in the sun, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect with this. Nonetheless, I was excited tho I must say, I didn't quite train much for this either.

The race was flagged off by Minister for Foreign Affairs, Mr. George Yeo, and I must say, the race started with a high. The adrenaline and energy surrounding Orchard road was just contagious.

I know this picture is totally out of focus. It was difficult to run and take a picture at the same time, stopping isn't allowed. Anyways.

I haven't ran for 3 weeks before the marathon. In part due to the weather and also fear of security running at night with all the recent seemingly random slashing going around. I did feel that my stamina was a tad off, but it's alright since I'm in it to finish it, not score a personal best.

I actually thought that the Standchart's measurements are a little off, my device tracking my distance via GPS seem to be 2.5km ahead of standchart's one. Anyhow, the first 8 km or so was quite a good run, with random strangers cheering us on on the sides.

I started pacing myself and alternating my runs from the 10km mark onwards. Courtesy of experience, I've learnt to respect the distance. I totally do not want a repeat of that acute muscle cramps like 6 months ago. So I started taking it slowly, running then walking and so on.

The halfway mark after what seemed like eternity.

Anyway, to cut a 42km long story short, I didn't feel quite as smashed as my first marathon. Again, courtesy of experience, I brought my pain relief balm which worked WONDERS and I think helped in not letting the slow nagging hamstring strain to escalate into a full blown cramp like last time.

Finally at 30 km. The last 12 km was T.O.U.G.H.

I walked a great deal, with totally swollen feet and terribly painful soles under the unforgiving sun and I totally got sun burned BIG TIME. :( My bad I didn't wear sunblock. The worst thing is, the unforgiving SCORCHING HOT sun happened at a stretch where there was totally NO temporary shade for relief at the LAST 4KM.

Man, that was the LONGEST 4 km of my life. I must say that the sun took a toll on me though, somewhere into the last 3km, I had a mental breakdown before the physical breakdown even happened.

I was angst, irritated and ever ready to give up thinking that the world is conspiring against me to make sure I don't complete on time. And then I started to cry. -_-

I remembered thinking to myself that crying takes up even more energy (which is so scarce by now) so I "talked" myself into resting against a road divider and applying even more pain relief balm before continuing.

Anyways, I FINALLY managed to complete my FULL 42.195km marathon within the 8 hours cutoff time! I actually arrived FOUR MINUTES before the cutoff time, and I totally ran, to the finish line, not walk nor crawl!

Could not take a picture when I raced past the finish line. I don't remember ever being this excited about seeing the word "finish" as today!

When I crossed the finish line, I was ecstatic! I totally broke down and wept! It was such an emotional moment in my life!

Tadah! "Pain is temporary. Pride is forever!" :D

Time to go nurse my badly battered poor old body. ;(

Pay raise and promotion

2010-09-25T13:54:00.005+08:00

Right. So at last, the last minute Lewis H. press conference and event is finally over. The media turn out was good and the event went alright, given the bizarre time frame and deliverables. We were so totally tired out after the event that it was not funny. Sigh.

Anyways.

I wasn't sure if it was a direct result of that event that I actually got a promotion and a pay raise. I'm not sure how much the increment will be, but honestly, I didn't feel even a tinge of happiness and the strange thing is, I actually kinda felt as if I hadn't done enough to earn that.

Sigh. Initially, I thought about the dread of more pay = a few million times more work load, but then I realize, that even without the increment, the additional work load would still come.

Truth be told, my job is not giving me satisfaction. I honestly still feel "empty" and apparently, promotion and pay increment isn't exactly things I hanker after.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I'm just thinking a little deeper about the things that would motivate me at a job since obviously, the pay increment and promotion isn't.

Sigh. Will I ever find the job that I truly love, that will "complete me"?

FML

2010-09-18T17:28:00.005+08:00

I have not blogged in awhile, I realised. Thing's been going wrong of late I must say, and life's been so hectic that it's crazy. Been mad busy the past couple of weeks.

For a start, we landed ourselves in a job to put together an event cum press hospitality for an office opening, where Lewis Hamilton will be in town to officiate and participate in the ribbon cutting. Sounds exciting huh?

Not. Not when we were only engaged to help barely one week before it all. I've had many instances where we've helped clients manage events within short time frames, but one week?? SERIOUSLY?

All that mad running around, last minute decisions to make and also uncertainty especially when the company is big, and MANY different parties are involved in MANY different things. It's a mess, no decision makers, conflicting instructions, NO TIME and internal trouble makers.

Yesterday, I totally snapped at a colleague who has been irritating me the past couple of days. For the first time in a long while, I totally lost my cool at someone and screamed at her to shut up.

She has seriously been ~~irritating~~ bugging me about the seeming lack (according to her) of toilets and urinals for the guests at the venue like they are all going to hyperventilate and start foaming at their mouths and die cause they were made to queue for toilets.

Which probably meant that I'm in trouble if everyone needed to go at the same time that urgently.

Maybe it's her mission in life to hit the toilets at every event she goes, but not everyone does. I have other bigger issues to worry about like branding, audio visual equipment, event flow, etc etc, nothing is confirmed and here she is making such a huge fuss about it and totally making me "discuss" with her why and how we cannot have more toilets.

I felt totally stupid with the capital S for even engaging in that discussion with her.

AARRGGHHH!!

Thy will be done..

2010-09-09T09:41:00.003+08:00

Dare to speak
the most powerful words
in your vocabulary -
the sentence
most feared by
God's enemy -
Four simple words
uttered only by
a heart of trust -
hard words that
promise glory
even on a path of pain.
Whisper 'Thy will be done,'
and rest in God's guarantee
to bring good out of anything.

- Susan Lenzkes

The best 12 days of my life so far..

2010-08-29T23:15:00.015+08:00

Yes. I was referring to the inaugural Youth Olympic Games (YOG). People who know me knows how I have been going on and on about the YOG which, ended last Thursday much to my dismay.

Anyways.

It has been an awesome 12 days which totally took me by surprise I must say. Like most Singaporeans, I started out being skeptical about the games and was totally apathetic to it until I saw the torch relay before my very eyes.

I can't really explain it, but some how, it kinda hit me that something exciting and special is happening. For the first time in my life, I actually screamed in excitement. It was embarrassing to say the very least.

Then came the opening ceremony. Which I thought was totally spectacular. I was beaming with pride watching everything from my TV so much so that I actually teared!

That's Darren Choy by the way. The last torch bearer and the one who will light the cauldron.

Source: ST.com

I'm very thankful that I actually managed to get my hands on a couple of tickets to catch some of the action of the games live despite all the sold out situation everywhere. I was up early on that Saturday and headed down to Suntec with Susan to try our luck to get ANY ticket for ANY game.

We managed to get Judo tickets early in the morning, and the handball tickets was actually bought later in the evening. Yes, we were out ALL DAY.

Each ticket actually came together with a companion card which has free 4 MRT rides and unlimited bus rides, valid only for the actual day that you activate it. After that period, that card actually functions like a normal ezlink card which you top funds into.

I know that there is another use for the card which you can link to your bank account or something, but I haven't quite figured out what.

So anyways. We spent some time watching the preliminaries of the Judo matches before heading off to East Coast Park to catch some sailing action. The tickets allow for re-entry later in the day which is when the finals will take place.

The trip down to the national sailing center at east coast park was eventful I must say. I was actually quite pissed off. As it was stated in the handbook that there will be shuttle transport at Bedok MRT station, we headed to Bedok but had trouble finding the pick up point.

The directional signages stopped when we got out of the station. So after abit of trial and error, we found the place which was as inconspicuous as it can be, with just a small print out stuck against a pole.

So, anyways, the print out stated that the next bus would come at 2pm, and it was already 1.45, so we waited. But the bus did not come, until at around 2.30.

When we got up the bus, we were chased off by its driver saying that he was only contracted for 2 trips, and he needs to rush to another job, so we have to get off. Super rude attitude. The bus company was WTS travel by the way.

After much confusion, we found out that there was no bus service to the place and that 2pm timing listed on the print out was actually the estimated time arrival for the bus FROM the place. Bah. Why list what the time bus would get here when there is no intention of ferrying people to the venue.

So, fast forward, we ended taking a cab down after having our lunch, to the national sailing center.

Just our luck, there was no wind for the ENTIRE DAY, hence race was cancelled. So with nothing much to see or do, we ended up cam-whoring.

We headed back to Suntec to catch the finals of Judo and decided to check out the info counter on the tickets on sale. Much to our delight, or rather my delight, Handball was available! Since it was in the preliminary stage, the ticket price was only at $10.

As Judo finals was happening at the same time, we went to catch Judo before stopping by to watch handball.

We left after catching a medal presentation ceremony. Handball was exciting! As an added bonus, Singapore was playing against Brazil that night. I actually cheered my lungs out even though it was very evident that the Singapore team was no match for the Brazilians.

It was really heartening to see the youths put up a good fight and never gave up.

Needless to say, we were thrashed.

The match ended at around 9.30pm and by then, we were famished. All that cheering, shouting and screaming is tiring. My hands were totally shaky when I went for dinner after that. Goodness.

Well, that was my awesome YOG weekend live. I continued to catch all the other action via the live streaming platform and I must say, I am totally excited, inspired and encouraged to see all that display of passion, dedication, sportsmanship from these youths.

All the other side stories of these athletes put alot of things in perspective for me too. I read an article about a pair of brothers here to compete in the swimming events, and how this is the first time they are swimming in a pool. Back in their country, they are so poor that they only swam in rivers!

Another article talked about how a North Korean athlete and a South Korean athlete visited the activities at the Olympic village together.

Looking back at all that had happened during the 12 days of awesomeness, I felt very encouraged and hearten to see at the "standards" of the youths of today. Not to mention that for once, we are seeing more youths from Singapore winning medals.

I can't help but feel that there is BRIGHT HOPE for the future!

I totally enjoyed myself during these 12 days. All the positive energy, hype and vibrancy was infectious. And I suspect that YOG is the best thing that has happened to Singapore! Lives and mindsets are changed possibly forever!

Well, YOG ended earlier this week, and I immediately felt a sense of emptiness in me. ;'( can we like have YOG quarterly instead? LOL! I actually cried when the flame went off during the closing ceremony. Sigh.

I think perhaps, we need to bid for more of such events!!

Blazing the trail. How apt. Setting my heart ablaze too.

YOG 2010

2010-08-15T21:35:00.004+08:00

Right. Amidst all the negativism surrounding the inaugural Youth Olympic Games (YOG) I felt compelled to blog something nice about it.

To be honest, I liked what I saw during the opening ceremony last weekend and thought that it was awesome. It did make me feel proud that my country is able to pull off such an event, and looking at the end product (I can imagine the amount of logistical nightmares it must have been), I must say that the organizing committee deserves a kudos for the effort and hard work.

Having said that however, I did feel the theme or "storyline" of the opening ceremony show was a tad too Singapore-ish. There seem to be too much focus on Singapore's story, culture, history, etc. I felt that it needs to be more international, something that the youths around the world can relate to irregardless of their culture or background.

Opening ceremony aside.

Back to games. I honestly feel that the YOG is a noble initiative to engage youths and give them a global platform to showcase what they are capable of at an international event.

I have always believed that the youths are the one group of people with lots of energy, time and talent as well, and it is good to have something to be able to channel all that energy into something meaningful, instead of let that go to waste, or worse, fall prey to vices or crime.

So I must admit that I was disheartened to find so many negative comments about YOG (mostly by Singaporeans) complaining about how the event disrupted their lives and worse, how some hate it when I googled YOG.

These comments about YOG are unfair I feel, as its not only not objective, it isn't even a review on the games itself, just the preparations and logistics of it.

It's like going to a movie and complaining about the aircon, the traffic and the seats and then tell the world that the movie sucks.

And then you have the apathetic lot, who needed to make remarks that Singapore seem to be the only nation who is excited about the games. But may I ask, "WHY NOT?" WE ARE HOSTING IT for crying out loud!!

After all the negativism and surrounding the games, I can't help but mention a few things I've observed and want to point out:

1) It's never easy being the first one to do something, you don't have past experience or case studies to refer to.

I don't think it's fair to say what a huge disappointment it have been, or what was expected more of it. It's always easier to say than to really do it. As the inaugural "installment" of the games, the entire world is looking at us to see how we are doing it.

Plus, we were only given 2.5 years to prepare when most host countries were usually given about 7 years to prepare. Sure, some things could have been better, but we all learn from it.

2) YOG is an international event. Just because it's hosted by Singapore this year doesn't mean it's an all Singapore event. It's still an event by IOC.

Comments about how the Singapore government treats its citizens like dirt, how much the whole expenditure for YOG was compared to percentage or amount that went to meals for volunteers or even comparisons to other social plans in our government should not be the basis of anyone's "review" of YOG.

YOG is an international event, its not fair to give negative feedback just cos you don't agree with certain plans in Singapore.

3) Constant whining and hate remarks are not going to lift the spirits of fellow Singaporeans who are volunteering or taking part in the competition.

I think our Singapore athletes (and volunteers) need more support. We are hosting it, they should have home ground advantage! Many of these youths just want to be a part of something meaningful when they are young, please stop the hate and pouring of cold water to dampen their spirits!

Enough said. It is an honor to be able to host a global event of such a large scale, and I certainly do think that it will boost the "Singapore brand". Stop saying how much you hate it cos its such events like these that help our economy to grow, nobody would rather us remain as a small fishing village, right?

We Singaporeans need to stop behaving like the spoilt affluent brat and appreciate the opportunity to be a part of something as meaningful as this.

"I would be true"

2010-08-15T16:56:00.003+08:00

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare.

I would be friend of all - the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, and forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up, and laugh, and love and lift.

I would be prayerful through each busy moment;
I would constanlty be in touch with God;
I would be tuned to hear His slightest whisper;
I would have faith to keep the path Christ trod;
I would have faith to keep the path Christ trod.

"But God."

2010-08-12T23:11:00.007+08:00

I came across this sentence when reading an article on crosswalk, a website that I occasionally go to for devotion and Christian articles.

"But God." I agree with the author just how beautiful these two words, when put together are. It's jam packed with so much power and certainty.

Many a times, we all forget great and powerful our God really is. We are so caught up with the situation and circumstances before us that we feel consumed and defeated.

It is true though, that we are weak and unable to accomplish alot of stuff by our own strength. But we forget that we have an almighty God, and we can call on Him to help us.

I can't. But God can!

Week 2 of training - short update.

2010-08-10T01:30:00.005+08:00

Decided to go ahead and post a short update since I can't go to bed yet as I wait for my hair to dry. I just came back from my first run of week 2 of marathon training. Week 1 did not go so well as I was out of touch for a bit before I started. I only managed to do 22 km for the entire week instead of the scheduled 24.5 km.

Today's run was not too bad. I think there was a slight improvement in time but I'm not sure since I have not gotten around to timing myself yet. (But I will soon.) I know I'm probably not in my best form yet, but I could tell that the body is slowly picking up stamina.

I'm scheduled to run a total of 26.5 km this week, hope it'll go according to plan. I know some point in time, it would be good to run at macritchie, but I'm not thinking about that for now.

Say, I'm trying to incorporate some cross training activities into the marathon training as the thought of running for a good 4 months is a tad mind boggling to me. Any ideas anyone?

Thoughts...

2010-08-09T22:08:00.006+08:00

I'm pretty sure God spoke to me today. I was listening to the good old hymn, "Nearer my God, to Thee" and could not resist playing it on my viola. But I found it hard to play because I could not get past the first few measures without tearing up.

I've been thinking alot lately, especially with my apparent back sliding and "behind schedules" for my bible study homework, church going and serving activities.

I went for my bible study class last Thursday after a pretty long hiatus and I was getting alot of the "I haven't seen you in donkey years" type of "greetings from a couple of friends, so that's give you some background on what I'm talking about.

Anyways.

Last Thursday's lesson talked about.. well, I can't remember what exactly, but my key takeaway for the night was the fact that every single thing that we say or do now as we are alive has got direct impact on eternity when we die.

In other words, the day will come when we see Him face to face and how we have lived our lives on earth will have an impact on our reward in heaven.

To be honest, I do sometimes feel as if I can't see the relevance to what is to happen when we pass on, and I sometimes do wonder what if life after death do not entice me all that much? I do, I seriously do. But today, I think I had a glimpse of what a life with Him for eternity could mean.

And that was all it took to make me realize that I do want Him, and am not willing to wait till after a lifetime of folly and have everything make sense when that day comes only to realize its all too late.

I can't really explain what exactly happened, but I could not stop crying, and kinda felt a renewed desire to take up my cross and follow Him, to prepare myself for the day of the marriage of the Lamb.

I have long heard many people saying that the end is near, but didn't think much of it until now when I take a look at the things going on around me. Don't even think about the end time, for who is to know if we will still be around tomorrow.

New blogskin!

2010-08-09T17:55:00.003+08:00

Wee! I has a new blogskin!

I have been resisting the new blogger template that uses XML for the longest time even though I've read from many online tutorials how easy it's supposed to be to edit and tweak the template layout.

It is not.

XML is such a b*tch to edit I tell you. Maybe cos back in the good old HTML days, you could get away with faulty codes and still get the page to run as you wanted it, but XML would totally not hesitate to smack an error message in your face.

Anyways, I have finally decided to switch over not cos I managed to master XML, but cos I saw this blog template from blogger that looked absolutely gorgeous! It was pretty much in line with the theme I was looking for -- grunge, vintage and old schoolish.

So there! It was indeed a b*tch to edit, I had to do away with alot of the other fancy stuff I used to have on my blog and for those I managed to keep, I had to work around the limited functions for modifying themes. Bah! Or maybe, I just need to go pick up XML or something.

Oh well, knowing me, I'm likely to change my blogskin again soon, so for now, this would do, I guess.

Tell me what you think!

Warning ANGRY post!

2010-07-27T20:44:00.003+08:00

Today is a horrible day. I can't believe the attitude of the people I have to work with. In fact, they are so incredulous that I feel as if my eyes are about to roll off from rolling them too much ~~*rolls eyes*~~.

I am seriously sick and tired of all the nonsense that has been going on for quite some time now. Right in this company, you DO NOT freaking have the luxury of sitting there and wait for others to tell you what to do. Have some initiative and pro activity.

Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT anybody's nanny, I have my job to do too and I have my own KPIs to meet, I AM NOT here to do YOUR JOB for you or let you make YOUR PROBLEM MINE. Please f***ing take up YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY!

Now don't even get me started on the quality of work and the "everybody-owes-you-a-living-prima-dona" fuck shit of an attitude that you think is "oh-so-appealing."

It is NOT.

I honestly can't, for the life of me, understand why would anyone want to submit substandard work and display mediocre behavior. Like, isn't it demoralizing to know that your work is so.. f**ked up? I mean, isn't the WHOLE POINT OF life or ANYTHING to improve and come out as a better person, no?

So why would anyone not give a d*mn about their work, or look for ways to keep trying and improve instead of offering the BARE MINIMUM piece of crap?!

It's like, you want to make a dress. You would complete it, make sure that the fabric is of good quality, the finishing is neat and sturdy and not tear after one wash and so on and so forth, no?

If you are going to only sew one side of the seams, sew the pockets and buttons halfway, you might as well don't do it at all, waste energy and materials isn't it?

And I haven't even talked about all the other work that is being plagued with the tai-chi-ing syndrome, and the remaining rest of the time is devoted to pretending the everything so NOT YOUR JOB.

Which really makes me think, what's the point of having such a person on the payroll then?

Marathon training commences!!

2010-07-18T20:27:00.003+08:00

I hereby announce that marathon training for the Standard Charted marathon at the end of the year begins TODAY!!

I'm apprehensive and excited at the same time. Just hope I won't fall again.

I printed out a 16 week training schedule which I didn't get to use the last time around, so I'm going to recycle it!

Ran for 2.2 km last night, but it was in the rain, so I thought I might just go slow and take that as a warm up and not push myself too hard lest I fall sick and take forever to recover again.

My virgin trip to Bangkok, Thailand

2010-07-17T09:25:00.017+08:00

Back from a relatively hectic trip to Bangkok. Well, it was my first time ever to Bangkok and Thailand, so I was kinda disappointed that I didn't quite get to explore the city as I didn't have much time.

We reached Bangkok relatively late at around 7pm. Our flight was re-timed and earlier in the day, my boss actually packed me off for a meeting with some guy for pro-bono work ~~which wasted alot of my time~~.

And then there was a rather bad jam getting from the airport to our hotel. I'm surprised that Bangkok has bad jams too, I thought only Jakarta was famous for this.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the condition of the airport at Bangkok. Having traveled around ASEAN the past months, it seems that many parts of Asia have really good and quite possibly world class airports these days! (with the exception of Jakarta)

Anyways, my boss joined us for the trip and flew on a budget air at a later timing, and we ended up meeting him when we were about to check in. That's how bad it was.

Oh well. We got to the hotel really late like at 8pm, and I must say, I had royalty treatment. We were staying at the Conrad hotel this time, and the moment the recept staff checked me in, they called their duty manager who came to meet me personally and offered to take me to the function room that I had booked for the event.

This was really service a whole lot better than the Renaissance Hotel I got when I was in KL. The recept there was rude and didn't even know I was the event organizer. Anyways.

There was a dinner and dance event that took place at the room the night before, which ended like close to 1am, so we could not prepare our set up any earlier than that. We went for dinner at the restaurant in the hotel with our boss and the food was nothing to shout about.

The dinner in my opinion was a BIG MISTAKE because first, we didn't go ANYWHERE exciting. We didn't even step out of the hotel, just had our dinner at the restaurant. Food wasn't good, and needless to say, price wasn't cheap.

Second, we spent so much time at the dinner, which we could have used to prepare other stuff like nametags, packing of goodie bags and stuff which would have saved us alot of time and not end up working till 2am in the morning. Sigh. Anyways.

The banquet staff really impressed me I must say. They were so proactive and very smart and helpful too! We were trying to set up the backdrop at 2am when both my colleague and I were so sleepy and not thinking straight.

The guys just came and automatically helped us to set it up, WITHOUT US TELLING THEM TO DO IT OR HOW TO DO IT EVEN. They took like a few seconds, looked at the thing and then "oh, I know" and proceeded to set it up as if my colleague had given them a full briefing.

They were also very prompt with their service, when my colleague asked a guy to bring us something we left at the concierge, IT CAME IMMEDIATELY.

They even paid attention to the minor details which I am anal about without me having to say or word or even stand up from where I was sitting. (I was really too tired and sleepy, not trying to act like an empress dowager I swear!) But I really did felt like an empress dowager, ask for water, it came to me, ask for table, it came immediately.

There is something about this hotel that just agrees with me man. All the attention to minor details is mind boggling.

Well, needless to say, we were totally zombiefied the next morning for the event. Particularly me, as the night before, I had only 4 hours of sleep rushing a proposal for another client. So the following night because of the late setup and all, I also slept for only another 4 hours. Totally smashed.

The hotel rooms was a delight though I was too tired to enjoy it fully. I thought that the Park Hyatt Saigon was awesome, but this just tops it.

The bed area.

The bath tub was dang big I must say.

The vanity area. Oh, and yes, this hotel does have a weighing scale too. All good hotels should come with a weighing scale! =)

What I feel the hotel have over many of the other good hotels that I have stayed in is the effort they put into the minor details. From they way they wrapped their hairdryer to the welcome tea on the table to the mini elephant plush they placed on the bed.

I actually brought back the elephant, but its in my office now, so I can't take a picture of it. It's the minor little things that made the whole experience special I would say.

Well anyway, the event went alright. No major hiccups, or surprises, turnout was not as good as expected, but it was alright, and the meeting was on track most of the time, so it was good as that meant that I didn't not have to stay later.

Pictures from the summit:

The mini exhibition of the partners.

HP was the main sponsor of the event.

One of the partners.

Foyer area.

Oh, back to what I was talking about royalty treatment earlier. During my event, the Assistant Director of Sales, and the Events Management, and the Director of Events Manager came down to meet me just to check if everything was going well.

I've honestly never felt that important in my life. I was told later tho, that HP was their biggest client, who was, also having another product launch event at another one of their function rooms. Ha! I guess that's why they are feeling a little stressed!

I was pleasantly surprised that the food was quite good.

And very filling. In fact, I didn't eat much of the main dishes, I ate mostly the salads (which was awesome) and desserts, and of course ALOT of tea to keep me awake.

On the topic of tea, I must say that their tea is super fragrant. Nothing too strong, and just right. I think I easily had like more than 20 cups of tea, or maybe even gallon.

Anyways. I met Eleen and had dinner with her and Humi while at Bangkok. She was also in Bangkok for a business cum shopping trip with her boss Humi.

I initially thought I might scrap the dinner idea since it was not confirmed yet at that time and also since Bryan and I was so smashed after the event. It would have been good to just sleep in and maybe I'll get enough rest to hit the gym the next morning before checking out.

But Humi actually smsed me to invite me for dinner with her and Eleen so must give face la! Haha! Anyways, it was a good dinner, not too ex, and at least we did manage to do abit of travelling around.

We joked alot and also talked alot about religion which was good, cos I always liked to listen to others perception and views on how they deal with issues that question our faith, and also issues on.. gulp.. the paranormal.

The Thai Sky train.

View from Chidlom station.

Map of the sky train stations.

Peak period crowd is as bad as Singapore's I must say. I was literally smelling the hair of the fella standing in front of me. I don't even know if the person was a guy or gal cos we were too close to each other to see properly. -_-

The single trip card. Which cost like less than a dollar if I remember correctly. But then we were only going to somewhere 2 stations away.

I got so used to Singapore's MRT with the LCD screen telling us how many mins more to the next train arrival that I actually caught myself looking around for that screen or billboard of some sort to tell me the ETA of the next train. -_-

I'm actually a tad amused that their trains are so much shorter than the length of the station unlike Singapore's.

I did not do any shopping during my stay and Bangkok. I know, that sounds so retarded. But I did get myself some stuff from their local brand, Oriental Princess which I must say, I'm pretty impressed by it! Plus their stuff is not expensive at all!

There was actually an outlet located at the mall which was linked to the annexe building of my hotel, so I literally spent less than 30 mins to shop for my stuff. I was so in a rush during the whole of this trip that it was not funny.

Anyways. I was initially going on a "mission" to help Susan buy her stock of body lotion and perfumed talc but ended up buying myself a body lotion and a banana shampoo for myself. Both of them cost me less than $20.

The lotion was light and moisturizing and did not leave a sticky feel and the scent was great too! As for the shampoo, I actually prefer the scent of the body shop's one, but this one seem less drying than TBS one.

Dang. Now I'm hooked to the Oriental Princess products.

Oh well. I'm definitely going to plan a trip down to Bangkok someday soon.

Oh, I forgot to add, when I left the hotel for the airport, I had the Events Manager and the Assistant Director of Sales send me and my colleague off at the hotel's entrance. Did I say awesome service??

I don't know if it was because I was staying at the Conrad or if it was because I was in Thailand, or both. But it does seem that the Thais were really very hospitable and polite people.

Bangkok! I will be bacckk!!

Reflections..

2010-07-04T23:28:00.002+08:00

Today, I realized the full extent of my sin.

Today, I can see the full impact of my sin.

Today, the reality of my sin hit home hard and actually meant something to me.

I must say, it totally floored me.

To be honest, its wasn't the first time it has happened, its just that I have been trivializing it all along, and I also unable to really see its consequences. You know how certain sins are, you keep committing it and you don't see it as big a deal.

Indeed, like a pastor once said, "My sin was incurable because I wouldn't admit I needed help"

You see, I was bad at managing my finances. Overspending is kind of a regular affair for me. There were numerous occasions where I did not have enough to spend towards the end, or when I wanted to leave without a job but couldn't because of $$, but I did not learn from any of them.

I continued to be broke at the end of almost every month, and needless to say, have no savings.

Admitting this is hard actually, because it does boil down to bad stewardship at the end of the day. Well meaning Christian friends and other friends alike have tried to speak to me about this from time to time, but I totally passed it off as a personal issue that people should not meddle.

Until today. I actually saw a link a friend posted of a website soliciting for donations to help fund an operation needed for a stray cat who lost half her face. It didn't say what exactly happened, but when the cat was found, her face was already rotting badly.

While I do not really have a soft spot for animals, but the pictures I saw gutted me enough that I actually felt perhaps I could make a small donation of any sum. But I could not. I was THAT broke.

I totally felt sheepish at the fact that if I had manged my finances properly, I would have extra cash that I could use to help those in need, whatever that need may be.

At that instant, I was suddenly reminded of a story my pastor once told at church about one of the ministers who founded the methodist church (can't remember if it was John or Charles Wesley).

Apparently, the minister had a love for art pieces and would go around collecting them. It was recorded that in one particular cold winter season, he had spent his last few dollars on several paintings. On his way back to his apartment, he encountered a poor old lady shivering from the cold as she was dressed only in rags that were not good enough to keep the chill out.

He wanted to give her some money to buy herself a coat to keep warm, but realized that he didn't have the money as he had spent all of it on the paintings earlier on. At that moment, he said he was certain that God wasn't happy with the way he was spending his money.

Don't talk about giving to the needy, I sometimes don't even pay my tithes, and for the 3 years I've been a member of my church, I haven't made my pledge. Not that pledging was made compulsory, but you see, I didn't want to pledge because I didn't want to commit.

I was spending far too much money on myself that I didn't want to give my 10% back to God. Horrible I know.

Well, today is pledge Sunday, the yearly Sunday that we renew our pledge to give back to the church. For the first time in years, I decided that I should submit my pledge.

Although my finances are still in a mess, and I have no idea how I'm going to fulfill my vow, I guess we've all got to start somewhere, and perhaps, the pledge would force me to at least start somewhere and work on me towards spending UNDER my means someday.

May God grant me His grace to help me keep my vow. Please pray for me will ya?

Am so super pissed with myself!

2010-06-16T21:18:00.004+08:00

I am so pissed with myself! I can't believe how "brilliant" I can actually be really. I totally missed Joshua Bell's concert in Singapore because I forgot all about it! It was last weekend and its not like I was terribly busy, I wasn't even doing anything meaningful - hell, I was on FACEBOOK playing mindless facebook games!!

He is actually here with Academy of St Martins in the fields, touted as one of the finest chamber orchestras, for 2 nights, as one of the programme highlights in recently concluded Singapore Arts Festival.

And yes, I bought tickets for both nights (which amounted to $300) and I forgot about it for both nights.

Super duper pissed! To be honest, it wasn't so much of wasting the $300, its more like, such a pity, how often do we get artistes of his stature come to Singapore? And here he is, and I had bought his tickets real early like somewhere in March.

I kept thinking that June is still early. I literally cleanly forgot all about it until this morning. Arrgghh!! I can't really find the words to say right now. There is a mixture of feelings of anguish, pity, frustration, anger, helplessness all rolled together in a mish-mash of crap that I'm feeling now!

I don't think he will be visiting Singapore or Asia for that matter in the next 10 years. Sigh. The next time, I'm going to buy a ticket to America to see him. That way, I won't forget!

I better not miss the Berlin Phil concert in November! That ticket is $300 for 1 night and is really a once in a lifetime kinda experience!

Oh, and Eleen was so dang sweet la! In a bid to console me, she offered to buy me dinner on Friday! :D

Woot! My dad got me a laptop!!

2010-06-13T17:39:00.007+08:00

For those of you who follow me on twitter would probably have known about this by now. My dad got me an early birthday present this year when I was still away in Malaysia. I admit I was a little blown away by it, cos honestly, I wasn't expecting ANYONE to ever get me such a gift.

Yes, my dad got me a LAPTOP for my birthday! I have been using a desktop all my life and have only recently toyed with the idea of buying myself a laptop. I wasn't really serious about it, just thinking, and obviously have not started any form of serious research on models and brands.

Not that I have an urgent need or use for it, just that I thought it would be alot more convenient to have a computer in my room that isn't as bulky as a desktop. Plus if I have to work late, I would not disturb my family.

My desktop is actually in the living room, and my parents sleep with the room door open, which does keep them awake with the lights from the living room.

Anyways, I was really very pleasantly surprised when I saw it! It was really sweet! It's an Acer Inspire 16:9 model. It's a tad heavy and big, but man, the sound system is amazing, and the screen is good for watching movie for its size!

You probably can't see it from this photo, but the top cover of the laptop is in a beautiful shade of really dark blue.

Nice heh? Thanks to my dad! Now what should I get for his birthday? :D

My first ever attempt at the 42km

2010-06-12T23:27:00.010+08:00

Quite a few things have happened quite quickly lately that I haven't been able to update as quickly! :D As you know, I came back from my Ho Chi Minh business trip, went for my first marathon and then went for my first ever church camp. All of which, happened almost within a week.

Madness.

Anyway, I'm going to talk about my first marathon. Will talk about Ho Chi Minh and the "oh-so-great" Park Hyatt Saigon hotel another time. Man, that hotel blew me away.

Anyways.

I signed up for the Adidas Sundown marathon, my first 42km run pretty much on a wimp. It all kinda started out when I was in the midst of trying to lose weight so I was at that time, running alot and started to slowly experiment with longer and longer distances.

But in spite of that, I never did anything more than 11km, as you may have read from my previous blog entry. So obviously, I had no idea what I was in for.

So anyway, to cut a long story short, I did not train for it at all because, I had a bad fall which took more than 2 months to heal, and I was falling sick on and off with a pretty bad case of stomach flu to top it off.

I had thought about forgoing the race this year as there is always next year, but I just could not not go, I somehow thought it was not a right thing to do. So I went, with the plan to jog abit and walk ALOT, since I was told you can actually complete 42km in about 8.5 hours if you walked at a moderate pace.

The event started on a pretty bad note. The logistics I felt was not managed properly. The race site was pretty far away from the MRT station which we were told shuttle bus transport will be provided.

Due to the number of runners returning from the race site after the 10km run and those waiting to get there, there was a huge congestion and there was just not enough buses to take us. I ended up waiting for 25 mins and was 50 mins late past my flag off time. I was pissed.

Anyways.

I started relatively strong, and passed my 11km mark without much adventure except for a nagging knee pain which happens each time I attempted long distances.

Well, after passing the 14th km, I was starting to be afraid, as I was now treading on unfamiliar grounds. I had NEVER IN MY LIFE attempted anything more than 11km, and I was kinda exploring and excited, and yet at the same time, apprehensive as well.

After what seemed like forever, I finally reached the 21km mark. Half time! (and half dead too)

After that point, everything started to go downhill from here. By then, I was feeling pretty bad joint pains in my ankles, knees and hamstring. I started walking alot and tried to do slow runs occasionally, and found that running helped make the joints less painful. That was weird.

About another 5 or 6 km later, everything was in a blur. The join pains have since progressed to ACUTE joint pains and I could no longer run. The hips were hurting and my poor feet were so swollen that the already loose shoes were tight and painful for them.

I remember stopping on several occasions just to remove the shoes and give my feet some comfort, but the moment I had my shoes on again, the feet started to hurt. I later tried to walk bare footed some 2km which did not help much as the thin socks coupled with super sensitive feet by now felt terribly uncomfortable on rough concrete surfaces.

I started thinking what went over me to even want to attempt something like that in my life ever.

Somewhere between the 28th or 29th km, I am seeing lesser people around, and realize I must be one of the last few runners. At this stage, I was seriously considering giving up because there was just too much pain.

Like I mentioned, I could no longer run AT ALL, and it dawned on me, that at some stage, I would not be able to walk too.

Anyway, to cut a super long story and painful experience short, I did not manage to complete the full 42 km distance within the given 9 hours time frame. I only managed to do 38km and then the shuttle bus brought us back.

The post marathon pain was bad as you can imagine, but the worst was during the few hours after the race. Lack of sleep, fatigue and hunger just made it worse. The next day was not that bad, and I'm surprised that the body healed faster than I expected.

Signing up for the marathon was perhaps the craziest decision of my life, and going ahead with it without training was the worst decision of my life, but I do believe I could have done much better had I trained adequately for it.

And guess what? I signed up for the Standard Chartered Marathon almost immediately after that. :D

Oh well, I just felt that since I did not get to complete it the first time, all the more I need to go back and try again.

And this time, I'm going to TRAIN for it.

Reflections on my virgin church camp

2010-06-11T22:53:00.001+08:00

Its been quite sometime since I last posted. I had a great weekend getaway to Malacca for my first ever church's camp which was a blast, so I'm going to going to update on that.

Theme for 2010: Victory through Faith.

This is my first time participating in a church camp, so I was quite excited about it as I didn't know what to expect. To be terribly honest, my "agenda" for participating in this camp was not so much for the eating, drinking and making merry part, I went because I wanted to see if I could rekindle the flame and zeal I had for God.

Yes, I was feeling weary in my walk and the state of my relationship with God was.. well, not good. So yes, I went hoping to find him again.

I did get what I was looking for of course. God did speak, and I felt his presence in the worship sessions especially and it moved me to tears. That feeling is so crazily familiar that it really overwhelmed me.

This year's speaker was Rev. Lawrence Seow, who is no stranger to our church. The last time I heard him speak was during the holy week services and palm Sunday during easter period last year. He is a very humorous person and his sermons made me think.

He's not the type of speaker that makes you feel comfortable, but the kind that gets you to re-think things. Very thought-provoking. So yes, I thought alot during the camp.

Getting together as a group for the first time to design our group flag!

I can't believe that I did not take a picture of the final product. Anyway, it was a picture of a mountain, with a cross right at the very top of the mountain and the 10 of us at either side of the cross. We were basically trying to paint a picture of perseverance as over comers through the very tough journey towards the end in the Christian walk.

Throughout the 3.5 to 4 days of the camp, we had several discussion sessions, sermons and of course, worship sessions. It was good to spend so much time with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ with God as the sole, undivided focus I must say.

As I had mentioned earlier, God spoke throughout this time, but the one time that really left a bigger impression on me was towards the end on the last night and the morning before setting off to return to Singapore.

You see, the night before, we had a special dinner, very much in the format of a D&D. The theme for that night was Wild Wild West, so we were all asked to dress up in cowboy fashion. I know I'm digressing, but I need to say that the decor was really well done up, it was alot of work to do (I know because I do that for a living) in that short space of time.

This is the entrance to the main ballroom. Nice ain't it?

The stage and backdrop.

The kerosene lamp on each of our tables!

The tree of blessings. A little more about this tree. During the earlier part of the day, we were all given a paper leaf cut out to write a verse that God has impressed upon us during the camp. Then we are to hang this leaf on the tree during the dinner where towards the end of the night, we will pick another leaf that others have hanged up there and bring it back with us.

The idea behind this was that, by doing this, in that way, we can actually bless and be blessed by what others were blessed by.

Like I mentioned, God did speak to me, but it wasn't in the form of a verse, but rather through a series of thoughts and reflections, so I did not know what to write, and well, during the course of the day, we had a bit of free and easy time, shopping and eating, and so, I forgot all about the leaf.

Until the time I stepped into the ballroom and saw the tree.

At that time, I didn't even have my leaf with me, it was stuck in the middle of my bible up in my room, and I was too lazy to go up and get it. I thought, forget it, what difference would it make, or rather, nobody is going to miss my leaf if I didn't hang mine up.

But of course, I did not feel easy. And it didn't take long before I rushed up to retrieve it and try to write at least a favorite verse of mine or something.

I could not find the reference nor the exact verse that God had once spoke to me with, I only remember that it was from Isaiah either in chapter 40 something or 50 something. So I started to search, praying that he will bring me to it somehow.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

To cut the story short, yes, I found the verse, had a strange but comfortable brief period of peace and quiet as I wrote my verse and headed back to the ballroom.

I must say that throughout the whole dinner, I felt a tad guilty about the halfheartedness in what I had just written, and honestly wondered if God would be angry about it and not accept it.

I got this nice little tag from some kid from the children's ministry. A well-known verse that is always a good reminder!

So anyway, fast forward to the next morning, we had a reflections and feedback session on the whole camp, and people were coming forward to share reflections they may have on the camp and feedback about service, logistics, or venue if any.

I sat through that and saw that tree at the end of the room and it had some leaves left on it. I asked God if anybody picked my leaf, or if my leaf was among one of the few left behind, and I also asked Him if he blessed anyone by it if somebody did indeed pick my leaf up.

I chose not to feel too bad about it if my leaf was indeed one of those left behind, cos I remember God did say that His word will not return to Him void, so even if it did not get picked up, I'm sure someone (maybe a hotel staff) will at least get to read it somehow.

Anyways.

We had a few people come up to rant and rave about the things that went on during the camp and towards the end, I admit I was tunning out, as it got boring. I started thinking when is this going to end, and secretly loathed the day chair for encouraging more to give more feedback.

So finally, we had the last family came up and shared what they had experienced during the camp. Apparently, the husband told us that their family was gong through a very rough time, and decided to take a break by participating in the church camp this year.

He also took the opportunity to thank the congregation for helping to pray for his little daughter who have been suffering from some medical condition for some time now. He then went on to share the verses that he and his family had picked from the leaves on the tree the night before.

I "woke up" from my day dreaming when I heard the verse he read out that his daughter got. It was that verse that I had written! I felt goose pimples all over me, and I kinda felt that God was "answering" my earlier question in the day (when I saw the left over leaves): if He had chose to bless anyone with my leaf.

Which kinda proved that indeed, God's word will not return to Him void (even if I was half-hearted - God wasn't!)

It didn't matter that maybe it wasn't exactly my leaf the little girl had picked, somebody else could have written the same verse too, but I know that at least, He had blessed someone with THAT VERSE.

The husband actually mentioned that his daughter felt that God was speaking to her with that verse, which I could imagine - it must daunting for a girl of her age to be suffering from an illness that required on-going medical treatment.

That day, I went home a little more encouraged and with a brand new mindset ready to take on life. I guess it only when you experience God that you realize what you have been missing?

I've obviously been missing Him for the past months with all that hectic work schedule and irregular church attendance to the point that I didn't think it would make any difference whether I went to church or not.

Well, now I do. I want to experience Him everyday and every moment till the day I see Him face to face!

This is the leaf I got in return.

Updates from my Jakarta business trip

2010-05-23T00:32:00.019+08:00

Back from almost a week of travelling for a client's customer roadshow. Man, was it tiring. We were literally working from day to night it wasn't funny. We had an excess baggage load of about 40kg, which mean to say, that we were carrying around 90 odd kg of luggage.

And yes, we paid USD250 for the excess load. We actually did not check in our own luggage to help save like about 20kg. You can imagine how tiring it was. So yes, we were at the check in counter of Silk air when my colleague and I started loading the stuff on the the belt for checking in.

And the lady actually told us to like leave the odd shape ones and load the regular ones first, and since we weren't planning on checking in our own luggage, I told the lady that none of our check-in luggage are regular shape. Anyways. It was nice of her to give away 20kgs to us free. What you get travelling with SQ I presume.

So anyway.

Our first stop was Jakarta. I don't know about others, but I'm always apprehensive about flying to Jakarta. This isn't my first time to the city, but it doesn't make me any less scared about travelling to it.

I have heard several bad experiences about the country, how corrupt it is and of course, the terrorists activities. In fact, someone once told me that Jakarta is the headquarters of the some terrorist group, the name I cannot remember.

So yes, I get nightmares about getting stopped at customs, getting robbed, and getting mugged.

View from the plane window. We were actually flying by Garuda to Jakarta and then switched to Silk air to get to Kuala Lumpur which was the next destination.

I digress.

So yes, I know I'm probably worrying too much, but honestly, if you were in my shoes, carrying almost 100kg worth of baggage, all of which look dodgey, to a city with not that good a reputation like Jakarta, you might worry too.

And to top it off, we were staying at the Ritz Carlton hotel. Yes, the very one that was bombed just last year, and yes, its situated directly opposite from the legendary J.W. Marriott hotel (which is linked to the Ritz Carlton) that was bombed TWICE.

I didn't manage to snap a picture of the Marriott hotel. I tried to on my second night but before I could snap a picture, one of the MANY security guards blew his whistle at me from across the street to stop us from photo taking. That's how uptight things have become, that it's not funny.

Anyways. Fast forward, surprisingly, customs at Jakarta was a breeze, did not get stopped or anything, and we got to the hotel in relatively smooth traffic which was quite a blessing too, considering how Jakarta was also notorious for its massive traffic jams.

So we got to the Ritz and man, was it grand. Of course after the bomb sweeps and bag scans, we got to our rooms. The room was HUGE and beautiful. I honestly have no idea why would anyone want to bomb such a beautiful hotel.

I mean, ain't it good that you country have such a beautiful place? Shouldn't you be proud that your country has got something to show to others? I don't get it.

Anyway. I actually felt that the rooms were too big, especially when you are staying all by yourself. It's actually weird that you have that much space and room to yourself.

The room is so big that it actually had a bit of a walkway towards the main area.

That's the bed area. It's just the regular queen bed. But I have had trouble sleeping in it all by myself as it feels like there is too much space. When I sleep, I pretty much stay in one place and don't move around alot.

I know this sounds silly, but I had a hard time deciding how to sleep in this bed, do I sleep in the middle, closer to the left or to the right. I thought of sleeping closer to my left near the window cos that's where I placed my phone at, but then the room phone was on the right, and I was afraid that I would miss the morning call. Boy, did I waste too much time on that.

The couch area in front of the bed.

The bathroom and it actually links to the walk in wardrobe. Yes, you heard me right. It's a walk-in wardrobe.

This bathtub actually has a electric powered blind by the window. You just need to press the switch on the wall! How cool is that?

The sink.

And a large LCD tv which I did not use at all. Was too tired before, during and after the conference that all I wanted to do was to get to sleep. SO yes, I had all of that to myself. I really think it was a tad too extravagant, and guess what was the room rate for all that awesomeness?

Just SGD140.00. I was told that that is the group rate, so its actually a special price, ~~I couldn't help wondering if that was a special price to encourage people to come stay after the bombing incident last year.~~

Anyways. The service was also impeccable. My colleague and I had wanted to explore outside the hotel for dinner and so this really nice hotel staff offered us a ride on the hotel's buggy to get to the buildings further down the road. Man I felt like royalty.

That's my colleague on the buggy. It's a little dark I know. Anyways, that's about all, this post is getting a tad too long. Time to get to bed!

Amadeus is so so so good!

2010-05-22T22:04:00.003+08:00

I recently finished watching a really old film called Amadeus. It's ironic that I'm writing a "review" about it now when the film was shot like almost 25 years ago!! It actually bagged 8 Oscars!! But hey, I only watched it 2 weekends ago. So.

Official poster for the movie.

Right. A brief synopsis of the movie. The movie is based loosely on the lives of two composers in the 18th century in Vienna, Austria. One of them of course, is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and the other is Antonio Salieri.

Now, we all know that Mozart is a musical genius, who started composing at the age of 5, (puts all the "great" musicians of our time to shame.) Salieri on the other hand, was a good composer, but nowhere near Mozart. Mozart was in a league of his own.

Salieri was a prim and proper court composer who worked hard. He loved music so much that he prayed to God for musical gifts like that of Mozart's and would in return offer his Chasity, meaning to never have sex in his lifetime.

Mozart was promiscuous, restless and a philanderer. He would be seen drinking, making merry and he flirted around with women. He was carefree and had little regard for traditions, or doing things the "proper" way. He knew he was good, but not in a boastful way, just as a matter of fact, his music was perfect and he was in a league of his own.

So you can probably guess by now, Salieri quickly became jealous of him and angry at God. He saw in Mozart, the magnificence of his music and believe that Mozart was a re carnation of God. Everyone was talking about Mozart, and even the emperor liked him. So, he hatched plots to sabotage his work and ultimately kill him.

There. The plot in a nutshell.

Can I just say that the movie, and of course the music totally blew my mind! The music (which were mostly all Mozart's) was fantastic, the costumes were beautiful and the acting was good, and the characters, were believable. I must say that this movie was totally in a league of its own!

In fact, after having watched this movie, all the previous movies I have liked before just went out of the window. They were nowhere near Amadeus in comparison. But of course, the movie theme was centered on music, particularly classical music, which is my love, so that helped.

The character of Salieri, is so like me I must say. I felt that I could relate to him, and how he feels, his frustrations, and his passion on many levels (not the plotting to kill and jealousy part of course). Some of the more memorable quotes for me were:

"All I wanted was to sing to God. He gave me that longing... and then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to praise him with music, why implant the desire? Like a lust in my body! And then deny me the talent?"

"How could I tell him (Salieri's father) what music meant to me?"

When I heard the first quote, I cried. That was EXACTLY the same thing I had said to a friend couple of weeks ago, I was voicing out my frustrations about the not-so-smooth ride in my viola lessons and the desire and love for music that won't die.

His second quote had me teared up too, cos I too, like him, had a father or rather family (and friends too), who could not and do not appreciate music, classical music, and actually finds it silly that I should have such strong feelings towards music.

So for a long long time, or rather, a large part of my life, I wasn't really able to share with others or explain to people what it meant to me, cos people just don't understand and I actually get scoffed at. It actually got to the point where I was apologetic about my taste for music.

I digress.

Anyways, I give the movie 11 out of the scale of 10. Not only the music was good (obviously), the costumes were beautiful, and the characters were so believable.

It's like Mozart, although he was so brilliant in a country and era where classical music thrives, and people appreciate it for what it is, he did not lead a live that was extraordinary.

He was so human that everyone could relate to. He was living in debts, he was haunted by his father's control over him all his life, struggled with lust, and rejection for his work too. Towards the end of his life, he actually struggled as he composed what was to be his greatest and most respected work of all time, the Requiem in D minor.

Isn't it ironic that the requiem he wrote could actually end up for his own funeral, except the fact that he didn't complete it?

Even though he was also considered a musical genius during his time, his death was nothing spectacular. He died quietly without any hoo ha and without a proper grave too. He was buried is a mass grave (this is actually true in real life, not just in the movie).

So yes, I would highly recommend this movie. As with Mozart, I believe that there will quite possibly never be another movie quite as good as this in all lifetimes and generations to come!

Story of my life (or lack thereof)..

2010-04-24T14:11:00.001+08:00

Food for thought!

2010-04-23T10:51:00.004+08:00

Saw a short statement in a friend's status update and thought it was kinda well-said!

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.

Give her sperm, she will give you a baby.

Give her a house, she will give you a home.

Give her groceries, she will give you a meal.

Give her a smile and she will give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what she is given.

So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of *&%$$#&"

Haha! Men, BEWARE!!

!!!!!

2010-04-21T13:35:00.003+08:00

Training for a marathon is no fun. Let alone trying to do a "crash course" training and ~~cramp~~ make the most out of a 16 week training plan into a 5 weeks time frame. I need to beat my poor old body into submission.

Sigh. I'm so going to pay for this. Really.

Having nightmares about the number 42..

2010-04-19T11:34:00.016+08:00

I am having terrible nightmares about my first marathon. Sigh. I'm so unprepared its not funny really. Its less than a month away and my body is so out of shape. I did the Dow Live Earth run for water yesterday, and I clocked a 47:29 mins for a 6 km distance.

Although I finished the run, it wasn't a satisfying run. You know what I mean, like how the body feels after and during the run. Seriously, and it was only 6 km. I don't know if it was because I wasn't that accustomed to running during daytime, but I felt totally breathless into my 3rd km.

I know. Not a timing to be proud of. Sigh. How the hell am I going do 42km?! I'm trying to cramp my training into the remaining 1 month that I have. I know its probably not the most recommended training schedule ever, but heck, I'm just training to finish it within the 9 hours time limit.

So, feeling absolutely bored at work on a dreadful Monday, I spent 10 minutes "planning" my last minute training, or rather, attempt at training for MY FIRST FULL MARATHON, starting tonight. Which goes something like this:

Schedule for April

Schedule for May (All the way to the actual day of race)

Notice the yellow highlighted dates? Yes, I'm actually scheduling to be travelling around a couple of cities for an event I'm planning for a client. So, if all goes well, I'm actually to run all those kilometers (gulp) in between flying in and out of the country.

It's not listed here, but less than 3 days after the day of the marathon, I have in place another event at Bangkok, and then I have a church camp scheduled on that very weekend to Malacca. Seriously, how am I going to manage all that, only God knows. I need all your prayers!

P/s: While you are praying, please also pray not only for me to complete the dreadful 26 miles, but also in "style", and by that I mean, on twos, not on fours (tho push comes to shove, if need be, I will do it if I have to).

Oh wells. Laters. Now time for my ~~8km~~ 6km (didn't manage to do 8!! arrghh) run.

42km. What was I thinking man?

I'm in lllooovvvee!!

2010-04-12T20:28:00.008+08:00

I was surfing ebay for Pirastro's Eudoxa C string (I hate how Singapore doesn't have alot of things. I had to get my Oliv C online too) when I chanced upon this:

I am smitten!

It's a 15.5" baroque viola, a Copy of Sebastian Klotz Baroque Viola and it costs only S$2?? Ok, the auction actually starts at S$2, but there is no reserve price, so it does mean if I'm the only one interested in the baby, I will actually get it for 2 bucks. Sweet!

I know that when it comes to instruments, how it sounds is more important than its appearance and price, and how one should try to stay away from ebay when buying instruments, but heck, for $2, I don't mind taking a risk.

Ok, the shipping is like a hundred bucks, so it will actually cost me about a hundred odd to ship the thing over to Singapore.

I've been wanting to try my hands on a baroque viola for some time, but you know, baroque music is so niche its hard to find one ~~without having to sell one of my kidneys~~ in place like Singapore where classical music isn't exactly that popular among the masses, let alone early music.

I am so going to get this. For a hundred bucks to try out a new instrument, I think its quite worth it.

I am.. so screwed.

2010-04-04T23:52:00.004+08:00

So so screwed. My marathon is like less than 2 months away and I have been so behind time in my training due to bouts of sicknesses here and there and of course the knee. I have kinda given up hope that I would actually finish the 42km.

Sigh. I have an upcoming 6km run next next week which I hope can give me some sort of a head start to race running experience tho I know 6km is like a joke compared to 42km. I hope to at least complete a 30km before I run the dreaded 42km.

Dang. I hate being so ill-prepared for this. I really should have started training way in advance. I guess I'm not going to try running the whole distance, probably walk some of it. I want to finish on twos and not on all fours.

I fired my viola teacher today

2010-04-01T01:48:00.002+08:00

I fired my viola teacher today. I've had enough of her antics and am seriously sick and tired of her last minute cancellations on me. No more "my husband complains that he wants to rest, I need to meet my maid agent, I need to meet my bro-in-law, I have a big headache, my husband wants to spend time with me, and my kids are sick" episodes.

Quite honestly, these are her personal problems, which I feel she should not let affect her work. I remember occasions where we could go on weeks not having lessons because of a series of the above stated episodes. If she is really so busy, then perhaps she shouldn't take so many students, no?

As it is, I am sometimes very busy too with work and have to cancel and postpone lessons, and its hard to keep excitement for lessons when both she and I are so busy. Oh well.

Anyhow, I still tried to be nice about it, and left the thing open instead of telling her I'm not going to take anymore lessons from you. I told her I'm taking a break and would want to try out other instruments (which is the truth by the way).

So now I am on the look out for another viola teacher.

Any recommendations?

When..?!

2010-03-31T23:38:00.007+08:00

Can you hear it?!

The gym is calling out my name.

Even the air from my usual jogging route smells so familiar its crazily nostalgic!

Sigh. The weather at night these days is so awesome and the night sky is so beautiful. When.. when can I go out and run again? ;(

I miss exercising badly. I feel as if I'm molding already.

"How much do you think you are worth?"

2010-03-29T21:56:00.007+08:00

Today is holy Monday. Guest pastor Rev Gordon Wong spoke on the topic of human significance and the cross, and asked the question, "How much do you think you are worth?" and shared with us this song which has pretty thought-provoking lyrics:

Is a rich man worth more than a poor man?
A stranger worth less than a friend?
Is a baby worth more than an old man?
Your beginning worth more than your end?

Well, how much do you think you are worth, boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Would you say that a man is worth nothing
Until someone is willing to pay?

I suppose that you think you matter
Well, how much do you matter to whom?
It's much easier at night when with friends and bright lights
Than much later alone in your room

Do you think they'll miss one in a billion
When you finish this old human race?
Does it really make much of a difference
When your friends have forgotten your face?

If you heard that your life had been valued
That a price had been paid on the nail
Would you ask what was traded,
How much and who paid it
Who was He and what was His name?

If you heard that His name was called Jesus
Would you say that the price was too dear?
Held to the cross not by nails but by love
It was you broke His heart, not the spear!
Would you say you are worth what it cost Him?
You say 'no', but the price stays the same.
If it don't make you cry, laugh it off, pass Him by,
But just remember the day when you throw it away
That He paid what He thought you were worth.

How much do you think He is worth, boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Tell me, what are you willing to give Him
In return for the price that He paid?

Not so awesome weekend..

2010-03-29T13:49:00.006+08:00

It's Monday again all too soon. Surprisingly, this Monday does not feel that bad maybe because this week's holy week. There will be services all week leading up to Good Friday of course. It kinda feels solemn for me. I only pray that work wouldn't get in the way of service schedules since I've got an upcoming event this Wednesday.

Sigh. The wound isn't healing well. The scab tore when I tried to bend the knee and walk normally, and pus started to leak out. The pus went from clear to yellowish to clear ORANGE. So yeah, its infected now.

Mom actually told me to wash it with dettol (which I did) and that DISSOLVED my scab, causing the underneath layer to bleed all over again as it hasn't healed properly. My boss actually told me this morning that I can't be limping like that at the event, I need to be sashay-ing in heels, welcoming guests. I know that too but I cant help it!

Sometimes I wish my boss would give me more constructive comments than that.

Anyways. I watched Nodame Cantabile movie last Friday and I adored it! Apart from the fact that the music had me in its grip, the plot was very believable it totally highlight the struggles that people who are and want to be in the classical music industry face. It was very funny too!

The movie was an adaptation of the Jap drama serial of the same name, which, was in turn, an adaptation of an anime and comic series as well.

I didn't catch the drama serial nor anime, so I can't really comment on the difference, but I like it so far, and yes, the movie had many climaxing points! I will definitely catch the second part to it later this year when its out.

Which kinda brings me to my next point, I was sort of introduced to this beautiful piece during the drama, its Bach's 1st piano concerto. Dang! It was so awesome and it totally blows my mind. I have been listening to it on replay all weekend!

Check it out!

Joshua Bell is coming to Singapore!

2010-03-25T17:35:00.002+08:00

I splurged $138 on his concert ticket. I actually got the seat in the most expensive category not by choice, but because those along with the really crappy locations were the only ones left. I've never spent anything more than $50 for a concert ticket, so I'm kinda feeling the pinch.

But like how often he comes to Singapore right? Oh well.

He's playing Beethoven's violin concerto and the Mendelssohn violin concerto with Academy of St Martins in the fields, which is a famed English chamber orchestra, and he of course, is an award winning violinist.

I wanted to go listen to the Mendelssohn's one but ended up getting the wrong date for the Beethoven's one; I'm not keen on spending another $100 odd so.. sigh.

I...

2010-03-25T10:25:00.005+08:00

TOTALLY regretted clicking to watch a video link that a friend posted on facebook yesterday. Against better judgment, I actually tried watching that short less than a minute video on this accident victim who had the lower half of his body severed after being pinned under a cement mixer's wheel. And the guy was still alive - at least when the video was being taken.

Although I didn't watch the video properly, it stayed on my mind the whole day, tormenting and traumatizing me. I was even a little afraid and anxious when I crossed the road yesterday and especially when I see larger vehicles passing by. Man, I need to get this out of my system!

And I thought, man, I certainly rather die than to go through that or live with half a body if I do make it out alive. Imagine looking at your legs, familiar, yet not so familiar - a part of you, yet not quite. I remember thinking to myself, "here I am worried about injured knee, and there you have people losing half their body." I totally feel for this guy.

I have never been able to take any form of gore all my life, I don't know what got over me to click to watch the video. No more next time man.

I hate Mondays...!!

2010-03-22T11:02:00.004+08:00

Totally no mood to work. Need I even say more?

Inspirational stuff!

2010-03-19T22:56:00.002+08:00

Ok, I know this is a little dated, but I wanted to share this. It's composed by Steve Barakatt who is UNICEF Canada ambassador. The title of this piece is 'Lullaby" and I must say that I totally felt inspired by it!

Life in slow mo...

2010-03-19T21:00:00.001+08:00

No amount of words can describe how irritated I am right now.

Injuring my knee was no fun. I was totally inconvenienced by it. It's downright frustrating to try walking from one place to another at a ridiculously slow pace. In fact it's so slow that it's painful. And then, suddenly after hurting my knee, everybody on the streets that pass me by would do a double take.

What's so exciting about a grazed knee, I don't know.

I initially had "great plans" for today as I am on leave, I had planned to run some errands and perhaps do some window shopping, chill at some nice coffee place in the afternoon. Then the knee happened, so instead of, "Yeah! I'm on leave - long weekend!" it became, "Thank God I'm on leave, stupid knee."

I ended up staying at home the most part of the day, because going anywhere was too painful (both mentally and physically). The injured knee is so stiff now, that I could almost feel my joints rubbing against each other whenever I try to bend my leg, and my other leg is feeling the tension and soreness from having to support all the weight on its own.

Sigh. Doesn't help that the weather is too good not to go jogging. Stupid knee.

ARRGGHHH!!

P/s: I took 6 years to walk from my home to the coffee shop opposite my block!! BAH!

Bad fall

2010-03-17T21:54:00.004+08:00

I tripped and fell when I was out jogging with Celia just now. Okays, it wasn't that bad a fall, but my knee just turned out badly scraped by it. I haven't hurt myself that badly from falls in a long while ever since I grew up.

Sigh. There goes my running plans for the week! I'm actually not so worried about the grazed knee, I'm more worried about my other feet, I feel a strain like I've sprained it or something in that unnatural position when I landed after the fall. :(

Oh, a really nice lady gave me her seat on the train after she saw my pathetic looking knee! That was really considerate of her!

He inspires me!

2010-03-17T13:01:00.014+08:00

He is Richard Yongjae O'neill, a Korean-American violist. I really enjoy listening to him playing the viola, his tone, expression, interpretation and technical skills is exceptional. He is also very musical and inspirational.

When I first decided that I am going to invest time and money to pick up an instrument, I had initially thought of the violin. The dream instrument is of course the piano, but it didn't make practical sense in terms of space and $$. The violin looked like a cool instrument to play, but the only problem was, I didn't quite like its sound, it was too high pitch for my liking.

Then I came across his playing in a cameo role in a Korean drama serial. I was totally owned and blown away by that beautiful tone and sound and thought, "man, that violin sounds special." I know! Such disrespect for viola!

Well of course, I googled and did some CSI-ing on him and found out not only his bio of course; that there is such an instrument as the viola and that was what I had heard him play! I knew then the viola is what I wanted to learn (well not just because of him but more because of its beautiful sound).

Anyways, he has recorded 5 albums to date and I have bought them all. I don't understand why they are not available in local stores tho, I had to order all 5 of them online.

This is his 5th album, it is titled "NORE" which basically means "Sad songs". I ordered in online the very date it was released and just got it in the mail yesterday! Am so enjoying it! :D

Click on the video to hear him play!

Memoir of a fat overweight gal

2010-03-16T01:17:00.005+08:00

At about 7 months ago, I was 9kg heavier than I am today. Yes, I was at my ~~fattest~~ heaviest that I have ever been at that time.

The massive weight gain happened about 1.5 years ago, when I had a job change. The new job wasn't working out well and I was under alot of stress. So I took to eating. ALOT. I put on a total of *gasp* 12kg in 6 months time.

Yes, you heard it right. 6 months. Even right now when I look back, I shudder to think how did I even allow myself to put on that much weight?! It obviously didn't happen overnight, I did eat a massive amount to get there.

I didn't just eat alot, I OVERATE. I got to the point where eating becomes no longer enjoyable as after each meal, I felt like throwing up. The weight gain came pretty quickly, and to make matters worse, I was in delusion.

As you can imagine, as a result, 12kg happened.

Over the course of time, I did think of working off those extra weight. I really did. Everyone around me was telling me I put on alot of weight. But somehow, I never got down to really working hard for it. I was lazy, skip one or two meals, and expect to lose some weight. I haven't even thought of going to the gym or doing any form of exercise!

Seeing the negligible effort to curb my diet didn't do anything at all to my weight, I gave up and decided that its not going to work.

And I continued to eat.

I actually asked many of my church mates to pray for me for successful weight loss but of course, I didn't really believe I will actually lose weight and started to entertain self-defeating thoughts like, "you'll never make it", "you are destined to be fat", and so forth and not long later, I actually stop believing I will EVER lose weight.

It wasn't suprising that during this time, self esteem, morale, self-believe hit an all time low. Clothes have started to get too small, way too small, and because I refused to buy new ones lest I get comfortable in my "new weight", I had lesser and lesser clothes to wear.

And then I stopped taking photos, and hated being a part of any form of group photos, not because I was anti-social, but because EVERY ANGLE I TOOK, MY FACE (ok, and everywhere else) LOOK FAT AND ROUND!

It got so bad to the extent that I started to make detours whenever I happened to bump into people from my past. Old friends, classmates, ex-colleagues, because I cannot bear having them gasp and being mortified by my massive weight gain.

So at approximately after 1.5 years of living in misery, I finally decided to do something about it. My colleague Celia actually took me out on my virgin 30 mins non-stop run around our office vicinity and encouraged me loads during that run. I must say that first run almost killed me. But I'm glad I stuck it through, cos after that run, I started trying out longer distances.

I have Celia to thank for that really.

Running when you have not exercised for so long is definitely tough. Being overweight made it harder. My lungs threatened to shut down and my heart felt as if it was about to collapse, and the legs...

I walked like a crab the next day.

And then I started to control my diet. Words cannot begin to describe how terrible and miserable that made me. You see, food to me has got a high emotional value. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry.. hell, I even eat in despair.

Eating brings my mood up. Each day at work, especially when its been a tough day, just thinking what I want to have for lunch or dinner makes me happy.

And of course, there was my favorite sweetened drinks. Bubble Tea!! I used to drink a few cups per day. So all that had to go. I started eating lesser quantities, finishing only 3/4 of what I would usually eat, and I stopped the bubble teas, lemon teas, teh-c bings, and what nots.

During that period, miserable took on a whole new different meaning for me. I literally lost the will to live. I remember one day when my colleague went down to buy coffee, he asked around the office if anybody wanted anything. I so wanted, but I couldn't of course, I totally felt like crying.

I lunch away from everybody else cos I brought my own wholemeal bread, apples and what nots, I simply couldn't sit with a group of people having bar chor mee, char kway teow or chicken rice for lunch.

I even did the Kelloggs Special K diet and tried my darnest to stick to 2 meals a day on that. I gave up on the 2nd day. Because by the morning of the 2nd day, out of a total of 4 meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner and then breakfast again) I have had Kelloggs Special K for 3 meals. I wanted to puke.

I gave that up (I still eat it only for breakfast though) and occasionally allowed myself to eat proper meals like fish bee hoon soup. I would finish 3/4 and then pretend I had my fill while the remaining food stares at me and inside me claws at me to eat on.

And then I started to increase my frequency of exercise. I was dang motivated by Obama, who despite having the biggest job in the world, was able to keep a 6 day a week exercise routine. Busy is no longer an excuse man. I can't possibly be busier than the president of the United States of America, can I?

I started exercising 4 times a week, once a week short jogs, once a week gym, and twice a week I do my long distance jogs of at least 6 - 7km.

And then the weight loss started to happen. 1kg by 1kg, I was ecstatic!

I must say weight loss is addictive, after losing the first few kilos, you just keep wanting to go at it. Week after week, my weight drop, I would buy a new pair of pants that fit comfortably, and then 2 weekends later, its too loose.

I can literally get out of my old jeans without unbuttoning and unzipping it! :D

Fast-forward to today, some of the lessons I took from this weight-gain-loss lesson:

It's not about how tough it is to lose x amount of kg, it's how badly you want to lose weight
Forget the shortcuts, the ONLY way/formula that works in weight loss is "SHEER BRUTE HARD WORK"
As with many other things in life, exercise, diet and weight control is about discipline, once you let slip that one time, it's easier to have a second, and a third and you know the story.

I am of course still about 4kg to go from where I started putting on the weight, but I am definitely working on it. Although I must say, my diet is not as extreme as when I started out.

So, to all those out there who are struggling with weight issues, keep pressing on, and don't be afraid to work hard for it. Weight loss IS definitely possible. It's about not how tough it is, it's how badly you want to.

Oh, and most importantly, don't ever, ever, ever, EVER allow yourself to get to that point where weight loss is tough, start doing SOMETHING when you start gaining weight.

Happy Birthday!

2010-03-15T12:09:00.004+08:00

It's my viola's birthday, I've had her for a year now, and yes, it means I have been playing the viola for a year now! Been a violist for a year! It's my first year anniversary as a violist! Man, it feels dang good to be called a violist! :D

I love my viola!

The little beautiful things in life that inspires people!

2010-03-13T23:08:00.009+08:00

I came across this article on Mail Online UK while searching for some nice pictures on music staves.

Apparently, this guy saw a picture on of birds perched on electrical wires taken by a journalist of that publication and that inspired him to notate a piece of music based on the position of the birds on the wire as show in the photo.

Listen to this:

Beautiful ain't it?

I actually think that that was a work of God, which suddenly brought to mind a hymn I used to sing at school: "This is my father's world" A stanza in the lyrics goes like this:

This is my Father's world,
the birds their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white,
declare their Maker's praise.

Did you see that??!! Indeed, the birds declare their maker's praise!

Click here to read the original article on Mail Online UK.

Blog post in pictures!

2010-03-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

I'm not really in the mood to blog a proper post, but I have a couple of pictures (some of which are a little dated) so I thought I'll do a post in pictures! :D

We had a pretty bad flood in the office just before CNY. The tap burst over a weekend and water flowed freely.

Spot anything wrong with this? Took this on my way back from my business trip to HK.

Carols by candlelight 2009. A really beautiful sight! My camera does not do it justice obviously.

My baby. Taken with my Omnia II. I was pretty satisfied with the way it turned out!

Making a point via Facebook

2010-03-10T10:09:00.000+08:00

There is much talk about how the evolution of technology and the internet have pretty much changed the way many people communicate with one another these days. While the internet have helped speed up the communication and reply times, it has also made communication less personal, and less face-to-face interaction.

Well, I had a taste of it over the weekend.

A friend got married over the weekend. I was really happy for her as she had been upset for some years over a series of seemingly unfruitful quests to find a right partner and settle down; bad relationships, parental objections, and the likes.

Her getting married kind of felt as if she finally made it to the end of the tunnel.

To cut a long story short we got along well initially, shared hopes, dreams and fears and then over some issues, fell out and stopped talking to each other.

It actually didn’t come as a surprise when I knew I wasn’t invited. Thanks to our mutual friends, I actually found out she got married on the actual day itself on Facebook, through the updates and “tagged-a-photo-of-yous” that keep jumping in my face that she erm.. well.. got married over the weekend.

While I am indeed happy for her, I’m a little irritated that I wasn’t invited to her wedding, and I must say that I’m not sure how to even react to that. I’m probably not going to be petty and not send my best wishes, but point is, how and where do I even start? She didn't even tell me she was attached.

I can't say if leaving me out was intentional or not, but the fact that most of our mutual friends were invited, really hit home; she does not care whether I attended or not. While I could act cool about it and all, our mutual friends who are hyper-active on social media are making it awkward with the constant updates in Facebook and talking to me about it– I can’t even pretend that I was not aware!

Being caught in this awkward situation left me wondering if that was her not so subtle way of "making a statement" after the fallout. At least she did not “de-friend” me in Facebook!

Oh well, maybe I was just being over-sensitive. I probably should be thankful that she helped me to save some money by not inviting me! :D

A restless generation…

2009-05-31T01:39:00.008+08:00

I have been asking myself this question often of late. “What is the world coming to?” As I flip through the news each day, I get fed (in regular dosages) with news of crimes from all over the world and what’s becoming an alarming trend is the wrong doers are getting younger and younger.

This is definitely apparent in all the recent (and alarmingly frequent) random and mindless school shootings, kidnapping, robbery and even murder cases around the globe.

It is often said that the younger generation is the hope and future of our nations, and I shudder to think what kind of future we would have in this world if these are the type of behavior the generations are going to exhibit.

Which makes me wonder, just what on earth were these people thinking really? What exactly is being taught in school these days? What kind of values is being inculcated to the generations?

I recently had a conversation with a young girl, fresh out of college and just starting out her new job. She shared with me some of her experiences during college days, her life abroad and some of the stuff she did then, and I must say, her views (some of which), on some issues disturbs me.

Some of the things she and her friends did include trying to experiment killing the janitor’s dog, strangling one another (I don’t know why, probably to see how far one could go before dying of asphyxia?), getting drunk (which by the way is getting common with adults as well) and err.. “dunking” their friends into dustbins.

She stated as a matter of fact that it happened because they had a lot of time on their hands and were too free. And she isn’t alone. There are many other youngsters like her out there who have done similar and perhaps even more atrocious stuff. Let’s not go there.

Which led me to this conclusion: many of the youngsters out there are restless. They have so much energy, resources and time on their hands that they don’t know what to do with it.

There isn’t a goal or objective of some sort to guide them and allow them to “channel” all that energy and talent into something that connects with them and makes them feel meaningful to be a part of.

In essence, I feel they lack direction and meaning in life.

Maybe, that’s why they are directing their attention and energy on experimenting with “unconventional” erm.. activities, they are, afterall, young and fearless.

I have often wondered what would happen if more youngsters were engaged in projects, clubs, societies, charity work and the likes. Would there be a lesser “showcase” of problematic behaviour in our society today?

I mean, their zeal, energy and maybe even time is something that could serve them well if they know how to use it properly and it’s also something we could tap on, no?

I honestly feel that our society these days are not including the youths into our activities enough or perhaps, we are just too busy with “more important things to worry about”.

Oh well, that’s just my random opinion.

HAPPY!!

2009-03-19T09:44:00.004+08:00

I am in a very happy mood today, so I'm doing something extraordinarily rare - which is, to update, and during office hours too :D

Anyways.

For the past few days after my first viola lesson, I've have been struggling with how to hold the bow correctly. I've watched like countless of video tutorials on youtube and even seen thousands of pictures on correct bow hold, and yet, still could not get it right.

I was seriously, very frustrated and was very depressed and discouraged. I mean, if I could not even learn how to hold the bow correctly which is of course the first step, then how am I ever going to be able to progress to different and more difficult bow techniques?

BUT!

Last night I think I'm beginning to be able to appreciate and understand the so called correct bow hold. While it ain't exactly perfect, at least it did not hurt my fingers when I try to use the whole bow. Teeheehee.

I'm obviously quite glad with myself. Anyways, back to work.

Laters.

My new baby!

2009-03-14T18:06:00.013+08:00

For the umpteen time I'm starting yet another blog entry with a "it's been so long since I last updated" sentence. I've decided to blog today because of one lame, ~~bimbotic~~ reason: I am doing so much for my company's blog while my own blog is collecting dust.

Right anyways. I am excited! (few things in life get me really excited by the way) I have finally decided to take up music lessons! I know this decision came sorta late (very late in fact, to the extent of ultimate retardation), especially since people usually start at the age before they even attend elementary school.

You know how its like when the older you are, the greater the fear when it comes to learning new stuff. So yeah, I was really afraid when I started my first music lesson, about 3 months ago though it was only theory. I must say that each time I finish a lesson, I feel frustrated with myself and obviously cannot help feeling that I was erm... stupid.

3 months on now, things are much better I must say. A colleague was telling me that I was probably giving myself too much pressure for learning to even be enjoyable. Perhaps she's right. Anyways, my teacher told me during the last lesson that I can advance to grade 2, so I'm quite glad with myself heehee.

So, after a good few months of procrastination/denial/delusion/contemplating cycle, I am finally going to start my viola lessons like tomorrow, and I'm so looking forward to it.

I got my first musical instrument of my life! (if you exclude the primary school staple the recorder of course) I got my 15" viola from Synwin as recommended by my teacher and it cost me $600 with an adjustable tailpiece and shoulder rest.

While I cannot yet play it, I must say I love its sound! (I can't understand why so many violin players say nasty stuff about the viola actually)

Anyways, here it is: My new baby!!

Yes. It's huge, and it's heavy. I got a bruised collar and jawbone trying to hold that under my chin cos of its weight and size, (I can't help feeling like a clumsy bimbo) but I'm probably holding it the wrong way. Anyways. Laters.

No title

2008-12-23T00:51:00.003+08:00

As you can probably already tell by now, I don't exactly have the habit of blogging. Each time I try to start a new post, it always never get past more than a few sentences and then it gets chucked into the drafts until like forever.

Anyways. I'm supposed to be writing an ad for a course but I'm suffering from writer's block right now and can't seem to move ahead, so here I am blogging.

Nothing too serious, just ranting abit not that I think anyone would read it. Anyways, I'm contemplating if I should even attempt to pursue music as a career. I know, it sounds silly. Saying that already took like tonnes of courage.

I've been in love with music, classical music since I was a kid, and just the thought of being a professional musician makes my heart beat.

As you know, I did not take any music lessons when I was younger, and neither did I have any form of music background. Honestly, from the looks of it, its almost impossible.

Sigh. How can I ever...

Even if I dream, it should be a practical one right. Is it a toxic dream? I don't know. I'm contemplating taking violin lessons and maybe piano lessons at a later stage. I ultimately would love to learn conducting, but that's like maybe a million years away? Oh well.

Random

2008-07-13T00:05:00.004+08:00

I haven't updated in years. Work's been busy of late and I've been working late for the whole of last and this week to the point that I'm totally disgusted. Got an event coming up next Tuesday and there seems to be ten thousand and one things that I have not done.

Madness.

Life is moving so fast that I can hardly keep up with it.

I feel so blessed and loved!!

2008-03-07T01:26:00.003+08:00

The day I returned home to God. Teehee

In the light of my impending baptism...

2008-03-05T23:56:00.010+08:00

I really have not been updating in ages. I've been so busy of late that hardly anything makes sense to me when I finally knock off from work.

Yes, I'm feeling very burnt out and disgusted about my job and everything else related to it. I go home each day feeling dazed, tired emotionally and mentally. I've been praying alot about my job lately; prayer is the only thing that gives me courage to face ~~more shit~~ each new day.

Enough about my work already.

Anyways. I'm on leave tomorrow and I'm going to drown my handphone.

I'm getting baptized tomorrow!! Finally after 14 years of a love hate relationship with God. I am very excited about it and I can't wait!!

I haven't told anyone about this before, but well, in the light of my baptism tomorrow, I'm going to share my testimony here.

I have a rather long history with God. As I've mentioned earlier, I had a love hate relationship with him for 14 long years.

I came from a Buddhist family, where my family members were pretty staunch in their religion. But by the grace of God, they placed me and my brother in a methodist school, so I was exposed to the gospel since I was seven, you could say that I grew up in a Christian environment.

At a tender age of 7, being the young and naive little girl that I was, I had no idea what Christianity was all about even tho our teachers spent quite a substantial amount of time teaching, sharing and preaching about the gospel.

I was also very rebellious at that time, "proud" to be "different" cos all my other friends came from Christian families. I didn't really understand the word but I found it strange that I kinda enjoyed chapel services whereas all my other classmates dread it.

I also found it strange that I enjoyed the message that our pastor would bring to us each week, but although I enjoyed chapel services, I would say it didn't touch my heart.

But all of these didn't bother me much so I left things that way for a long time, but I kept listening with an open mind.

Until that year when I was 13, and my paternal grandmother had a stroke which left her in a critical condition then. The doctors told us she would not make it through the night.

Not knowing who to pray to since there were so many various Gods in the Buddhist religion, I decided to try the God that they taught me at school. So I prayed according to the way I was taught at school and asked God to let her live, and I will give him the rest of my life in return.

Yes, I was naive and did not know any better than to bargain with God, and yes, I didn't really mean it when I made that promise to God, I kinda only half expecting him to answer or even hear my prayer, and besides, I didn't think God will be interested in my puny little worthless life.

Well, she got well but remained an invalid for the next 14 years. Nevertheless, I kept my promise to God, but I never fully understood the significance of it until recently.

Some of my closer friends would probably have realized that I was pretty much a depressed and pessimistic person. In fact, for as long as I could remember, I was depressed for the bulk of my life. I have very high expectations of others and myself and was constantly disappointed.

I would say, I pretty much couldn't take failures either. I would often hate myself and God when things go wrong or don't go my way, I think I mistook God for a wishing tree. Well, things spiraled out of control when my maternal grandmother passed away. I stopped believing that God loves me.

I started believing that he hates me, which was why life is so difficult for me.

I could recall an incident where out of spite, I told my best friend (angrily) that I hated God and tho I prayed to him every night still, I never meant a single thing I said to him and that I saw him as an insurance policy (for after life) which you cannot see the benefits when you are alive, but only when you die (which technically speaking, you cannot see the benefits either cos you are already dead).

I can't really remember what my friend's answer to my outburst was, but what I did know was that, even before I finished my sentence, I felt a deep dread in my heart, my heart hurts when I said that, and at that moment, I knew that I didn't mean a single word that I had just said less than a minute ago.

The subsequent weeks after my outburst was miserable. I felt empty and estranged from God, I wanted to pray so badly but I felt I couldn't because I had promised never to pray again. It took me nearly a month later before I started praying again, and the cycle went on and on for 14 years I couldn't keep my mind off God each time, or maybe I should say, God never gave up on me.

Well, I slipped in and out of depression, until several months back, when I finally managed a job change which I initially thought was my big break for my career.

But I was wrong, the company had nothing for me to do and I literally spend 9 hours a day surfing the net and taking extended toilet breaks. At this time, my uni classmate came as a "wake up" call for me to rebuild my relationship with God.

I complained to her about the job and she asked me if I prayed about it. So I told her about the state of my relationship with God.

Initially, I was very skeptical of what she could tell me that I didn’t already know having spent 11 years growing up in a Methodist school. Nonetheless, I accepted her invitation to visit her church that very week when I was still procrastinating.

I'm ashamed to say that I've n ever really committed myself to going to a church all these years, apart from the chapel services that my secondary school held then. I didn't think that attending church was important as I thought it’s the same as chapel services in school.

Subsequently, I graduated and I lost touch with any form of worship.

Naturally I was scared, and I later tried to "stage" an escape by feigning an illness, which fell through of course, I went in the end cos she was so gentle in her approach and I could feel God working through her very strongly.

Well, I would say that although I did not feel comfortable with their way of worship as they sang and prayed occasionally in a language that I did not understand, I was very touched by their faith and I could somehow feel loved, and I started crying.

The week following that was magical, I "re-accepted" Christ into my life and I felt immense joy everyday. I felt like a silly little gal recently head over heels in love.

It was then I fully understood why all the hymns that we sang in school emphasized on happiness and joy in our lord.

The feeling of pure joy and love is what I have been seeking for all my life and I felt so silly to have spent all those wasted years in pursuit of things I wanted in life depending on myself and burning myself out when leaving things to God was so much easier.

I felt a huge load taken from my shoulders.

I finally understood why I was often told that Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God. This relationship that I have with him is so personal, so real and it completes me so. In the past, I never believed in love, but now, I do.

Take A little Time to Love

2007-09-22T21:01:00.001+08:00

As you got up this morning,
I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me,
even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me
for something good that happened in your life yesterday.

But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear.
When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes
for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy.

At one point, you had to wait, fifteen minutes with nothing to do
except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet.
I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend
to get the latest gossip instead.

I watched patiently all day long. With your activities
I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around,
maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me,
that is why you didn't bow your head.

You glanced three of four tables over
and noticed some of your friends
talking briefly to me before they ate, but you didn't.

That's okay. There is still more time left,
and I hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if
you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV.

I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there
and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it
not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again
as you watched the TV and ate your meal,
but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family
you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.
That's okay because you may not realize
that I am always there for you.

I've got patience, more than you will ever know.
I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well.

I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought
or a thankful part of your heart.

It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I will wait,
with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Your friend,
GOD

At LLLLOOONNNGGG Last AGAIN..

2007-09-17T16:57:00.001+08:00

I resigned. Yes, AGAIN. I finally found a new job with a boutique marcomm agency to do account support and servicing.

Initially, I was really satisfied with my co, as the duties I was SUPPOSED to be doing seem interesting, and besides, the pay and the benefits were really good. The co was rather huge and had a decent reputation, so on the surface, and there really seems nothing to complain about.
Well, as most of you probably already know the only and also happens to be the BIGGEST problem with the job was, I had literally NOTHING to do.

Nobody knows what my boss had in mind when he hired me, and my boss on the other hand feels that there isn’t a need to clearly specify my job scope and neither did he want to let me handle anything "big" as he feels that I’m inexperienced.

Which really made me wonder then why in the first place did he hire me knowing that I do not have relevant experience??

Well, my team leader on the other hand, would occupy me with certain small tasks from time to time and he too does not give me anything major to do, as he does not want to interfere with whatever plans my boss MAY have for me.

This of course lead to me hanging around the office everyday surfing the net for nine whole hours and taking extended toilet breaks just to pass time. I kept hoping and telling myself that things will change for the better the time I was there but as months passed, I gave up hope.

I have been here for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS already and things are still THE SAME. The only thing my boss EVER ask me to do are really lame stuff which I really cannot help feeling is an insult to my intelligence.

Even to the day I planned and ultimately tendered my resignation, he still had in mind to get me to take on one of the lame "projects" that he had been asking me to do all these months.

I was indeed right on my decision to leave. To think I actually thought of staying and hoping things would get better.

Seriously, its hard to get started to do anything serious if you had a boss who feels that he cannot trust you to do anything substantial because of your inexperience.

Although I know that I could have stayed and try to convince him otherwise and prove myself, but getting us started somewhere is going to take another substantial amount of time and I seriously do not wish to waste anymore of my time. My brain, my morale and self confidence was slowly but surely wasting away already.

Anyways. I’m looking forward to my few days break, and I hope the new job would really allow me to develop other skills than lazing around.

LLLLAAAAZZZZYYY

2007-07-19T16:53:00.000+08:00

Recently, I found out YET another weakness of mine. Actually, its not that I've never noticed it before, just that, well, let's put it this way, I've NEVER saw that as a weakness. Haha.

Anyways, yes, this "weakness" of mine.

I am LAZY. I am so so so L-A-Z-Y.

I remember back during school days, I've received NUMEROUS remarks from NUMEROUS teachers who wrote in my report card that I'm a very lazy gal. And during that time, I struggled quite a fair bit to improve that cos, well, it isn't exactly that nice to have that "LAZY" remark splashed all over my report card heh.

Well, now that I'm out of school, I totally couldn't care less. I practically INDULGE on being lazy, lazy to do my reports, projects, lazy to meet up with friends, lazy to reply friends messages, hell, I'm sometimes even lazy to think, to remember things and to even talk!

I simply could not be bothered about alot of stuff really. Recently, I got to know a guy at my workplace better and he said something which kinda got me thinking.

He basically told me something about how he felt that I'm capable of doing certain stuff and that they were my strengths. He actually suggested that it'll be of course good if I could "improve" on them and maybe even "capitalize" on them.

Honestly speaking, I already knew that, not that I'm trying to be smug around here, just that I've spent enough time with myself to know what I'm capable of and what I'm not. But having said that, I also know I'm too lazy to give a hoot.

Ah well.

I guess I really got to start doing something about it. I realized that my memory seems to be failing me. I guess "old age" really gets to you when you don't use your brains enough.

But... I'm too lazy to start. How?

If you love a person...

2007-07-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

I can't remember where I got this from, but this is like so funny, thought I'll share with you guys.. lol

If you love her, Set her free…
If she comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, she was never yours to begin with…

- - - - -

The New Versions….

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, as expected, she never was.

Shakespeare:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, here’s the poison, suicide yourself for her.

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
Don’t worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she doesn’t comes back within some time
forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she doesn’t come back,
Continue to wait until she comes back…

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
*If she comes back, and if you love her still, Set her free again, repeat*

C++ Programmer:
if( you - love(m_she) )
m_she.free()
if( m_she == NULL )
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment
of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that….

Bill Gates:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she’s also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She’ll evolve.

Statisticians:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the pro****lity of her coming back is high,
If she doesn’t, the Weibull distribution and your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger’s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE’LL BE BACK!

Salesman:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, deal!
If she doesn’t, so what! “NEXT”.

Insurance agent:
If you love someone,
Show her the plan…
If she ever comes back, sign her up,
If she doesn’t, keep follow up with her and never give up!

Physician:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, it’s the law of gravity,
If she doesn’t, either there’s friction higher than the force or the angle of collision between two objects did not synchronize at the right angle.

Mathematician:
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she ever comes back, 1 + 1 = 2 (peanut!),
If she doesn’t, Y = 2X - log(0.46Y^2 + (cos (52/34X)) x 5Y^(-0.5)c)
where c is the infinite constant of no turning point.

Nowadays’ style:
If You Love Someone,
Set it free,
If It Comes Back, It is Yours
If It Doesn’t, Hunt Down and Kill It…!!!
OR PERHAPS REPORT TO IMMIGRATION
THAT SHE/HE IS AN ILLEGAL MIGRANT…

NOTE:
If you love someone,
WHY IN THE FIRST PLACE SET HER FREE???
CARELESS IDIOT!!!

Not again..

2007-07-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

Yes. Here we or rather I go again. I am looking for a new job.

Any lobangs anyone?

The end of a 14 year misery

2007-06-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

Today is the day of cremation. I know its a little morbid to be blogging about a funeral, but I'm just so consumed by sadness that I want to "blog it off" my chest.

I spent the past years hardening my heart and tried to make myself more stoic and composed but I must say, the death of a loved one still hits me hard. Very hard.

The story of my paternal grandmother's end days is sad. Really. I guess its what makes it even sadder to me. Close friends would know that my paternal grandmother have been an invalid for the past 14 years since she got stricken with stroke for a second time.

She was paralyzed on the right side of her body and she could not speak, recognize anyone nor remember who she was. She carried on like this for 14 years. 14 long years.

I remember when she was admitted to the hospital when she got stricken with stroke. The doctors told us to prepare for the worst, that she won't be able to make it and even if she does, she might only live up to 3 months.

So I prayed. I haven't exactly accepted Christ into my life at that time yet and was a free thinker, so I told God that if my grandma could make it through this time, I would give the rest of my life to him in return. I was still young and naive then and didn't know any better to bargain with God.

But anyway. She was out of danger and I kept my promise to God. But I didn't know the significance of accepting Christ into my life until only recently. I digress.

She remained an invalid after her stroke ordeal and we hoped that one day she would recover. There were better times when she could speak a word or two and when she would smile when we asked her if she remember or recognize who we were each time we visited her.

And then there will be times where she would totally have no reaction when we speak to her at all. As the years go by, we kinda gave up hope that she would get well and be able to return home. The old folks home became her permanent home.

All her friends and acquaintances subsequently forgot about her, and we started to grew weary as old age and the complications like sicknesses caught up with her children. Our visits become lesser as it became harder for us to bear the fact that we were visiting a loved one who could not remember or recognize us.

And then her second daughter passed away from lung cancer less than half a year ago before her. When we broke the news to her, she seem to have teared a little and yet seem to be oblivious to it. But by then, I heard from my dad that it seems that her time is also almost up as she seem to be fading away slowly.

Well, she passed away suddenly from a pneumonia attack last Saturday night. And because she stayed alone in the old folk's home, none of her relatives were around went she left, which was really very sad.

Her funeral was quiet as compared to my maternal grandmother's. There were not many people here to visit her except for the usual group who were family. I guess maybe it's because she have been an invalid for too long that everyone have forgotten her.

She didn't have that many flower wreaths either. But at least she had a couple of them. I seriously feel very sad for her.

Cremation was scheduled for this morning. I must say, this is the first cremation service I attended since I started being able to comprehend things. My maternal grandmother was buried and when my paternal grandfather passed away, I was too young to understand anything yet.

For the first time in many days during the funeral, when I took a last and final look at her before they close her coffin, I wept, and couldn't stop crying after that.

When we were at Mandai, I saw her name on the "billboard" listing for the cremation services that is to take place that day and the time. It broke my heart and I started crying all over again.

I touched her coffin for one last time before they took it up for cremation. They placed her photo on top of her coffin so that we could see her from above in the viewing hall as her coffin is being pushed slowly towards the furnace.

That few moments was very heart wrenching. My relatives around me were crying out after her telling her to go in peace now and not to be afraid as my grandfather is waiting for her.

God. Its. Killing. Me.

We return to my uncle's place for the condolence meal and some of my relatives went back to pick up her ashes later. Then we had a problem. Apparently, my grandma have long purchased a "column" for herself to place her remains and she passed this receipt to my aunt.

My aunt lost this receipt and the temple could not find her records. They spent several hours looking for her "column" which would have placed her name and gotten ready when she purchased it.

But they could not find it.

It the end, my relatives bought another place for her, and due to the delay in finding the column earlier on, they did not have time to get an urn to place her ashes within. Cos getting an urn would require several paper work and the temple administration's office hours was already over by then.

Now, my relatives would have to go back again tomorrow morning to get that settled for her.

It really saddens me that her end days have not been smooth and even after death, things weren't going smoothly for her either.

Well anyway, I hope this marks the end of her 14 year suffering and she can finally rest in peace now.

I pray that God would bless her soul and have mercy on her.

Grieving over the death of YET ANOTHER loved one

2007-06-13T03:34:00.000+08:00

My paternal grandmother just passed away last Saturday night. After 14 long years of being an invalid due to stroke, I guess we could say its finally over.

If there is one word I can use to describe her end days, its SAD.

When she died, no of us were around as she lived in an old folks home. She had a pneumonia attack and passed away before the ambulance came.

Her funeral was quiet too. She had no friends and no acquaintances. I guess its maybe because she have been an invalid for too long that people have forgotten about her. She even outlived her second daughter who just passed away due to lung cancer.

Well, at least she still had filial children who are still around to see to her funeral details.

I hope she can finally rest now.

I'm proud of myself

2007-05-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

Really. I never thought I'll ever catch myself saying this. Reason being, I spent the bulk of my life hating myself and feeling insignificant. I shall not go into detail on what constituted to that.

Anyways.

I was just looking back on the past few years of my life and I seriously cannot believe what I have gone through and how I managed to survive it. Work was lousy as you all knew, and I still had to struggle like mad to balance that shit with part time school and rushing for projects and exams.

I'm thankful that I did not go crazy in the process man. I guess, its really what doesn't kills you, makes you stronger. Cliche as it may sounds, but its so darn true.

Luck was not smiling on me either. I wanted badly to get out of my shitty work place and I spent alot of time getting depressed from the NUMEROUS failures at interviews. And seriously, it really didn't help when friends around me couldn't not understand why I was still stuck at my previous job and that why a job search would be that difficult.

Looking back, I guess its really because I was too focused on what I wanted, hence, I couldn't possibly mass apply for every single job opening out there. This of course limits my opportunities. I am very bent on NOT making the mistake of taking up ANY job that comes along the way just to get the fuck out of my previous work place, and sticking to that was damn damn difficult I tell you. I cried, hopped mad, hurt myself, sinked into depression, and emerged a very very bitter person at my previous job.

I guess the only part that really worried me the most is when I began to realize that my previous job had changed me so much to the extent that all the good I had in me were snuffed out. I became so weary of the people, things and the words I or somebody else said. I became like a very volatile substance and I get overly suspicious of people's intentions even at the SLIGHTEST gestures, and its very tiring mentally.

Not to mention that I had to cope with my studies on top of that, I actually flunked one of my units because during that semester, alot of lame, stupid and mandatory events were held by my company and I had to be there despite the fact that I had an exam and lessons to attend.

Well, I'm glad that all that is history. Although I'm not exactly very satisfied with my current job now, I'm glad that at least it offers me opportunities to learn and explore further on what I only could dream of in school previously.

I will be graduating by the end of this year. I have to spend another semester to clear that one unit that I had flunked previously and I hope not too much damage was done on that.

I hope I have finally seen the light at the tunnel. The road was long and difficult and I know I have come a long way. Seriously, I believe that if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

I'm so proud of myself, cos it made me suddenly realize that I'm a tough person, mentally, physically and spiritually tough. I feel as if I have just graduated from life lessons.

FINALLY... My last day

2007-05-04T23:06:00.001+08:00

Fine. I know. I have not blogged for like the longest time possible. I really didn't have the mood. Anyways.

I finally did change my career. Today is actually my last day with the hotel, and nope, I did not cry. Well, its not that I have so many hard feelings that Im totally relieved to be leaving, just that.. Ok, fine. I had slightly watery eyes.

Those of you who know me well enough knows how much I wanted to get out. To be honest, I was lucky. Really. I had reached my maximum when I decided to resign, and at that point of time, I have yet to find a job. I had even reached the point where I started maximizing my finances so that I can last as long as possible without a salary.

I was that desperate ok.

Anyways. That week came a call for an interview. I really didn't think much of it as I had already applied a long time ago and besides, the position wanted someone with at least 2 years experience which I totally didn't have.

Well, to cut the story short, I went for it, and they called me for a second interview on the very day. I was offered on the spot. Everything happened suddenly, I was totally in a shock then.

I tendered my resignation a week later when I signed the appointment letter. I'm actually quite surprised that they were willing to offer me the salary that I asked for. But I'm happy of course! =D

Ok anyways. It has been three long years with the hotel and because it was almost like my first job upon graduation, the good and the bad times I had there kinda allowed me to "grow up" and mature alot. I would say, the three years there molded me. And for that, I'm of course thankful.

There are still quite a couple of colleagues there who I really treasure and am already missing now. Nonetheless, I know we all must move on and I know that my decision today is the right one.

I took a longer look back when I was on my way out of the hotel today. I have been coming to this place almost everyday for the past 3 years and now... Yes, I'm kinda sad, and I'm happy too at the same time. Gives me a very nostalgic feeling really.

I start the new job on monday, I'm both excited and scared. Very apprehensive cos I have no experience on the job scope. But nonetheless, I know I will succeed in making a name for myself. Wish me well people.

Goodbye...

2007-01-21T17:34:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was younger, I kinda used to dread CNY. That was because, my father's side, we have alot of relatives, my dad had 5 siblings (including him), and he was the second youngest, hence we had to visit quite alot of them on CNY.

That carried on for a few years, until my grandmother had stroke which left her a semi-vegetable till today. That made it one less destination for visitation on CNY.

I remember one particular year where one of my cousins got killed in a road crash. It was a horrific one, involving a SBS bus leaving my cousin nothing but a huge mangled mess of flesh and blood and shattered bones.

That year, we practically stayed at home during CNY as my cousin's home was our second destination for CNY visitation.

Every year during CNY, we would spend quite alot of time there as that was the meeting place for all my other uncles and aunties and cousins on CNY, so skipping that destination means totally not meeting any of our relatives.

This year, I am so not looking forward to CNY.

Just a few days ago, my aunty (my dead cousin's mum) had passed away from lung cancer. The fight against cancer is over. Although we are all very mentally prepared that she wasn't going to last long, the news of her demise still left an empty feeling in my heart.

And its goodbye forever. All that's left are vague memories of her.

I wouldn't say that I and her were very close. In fact, we are not, we used to only see each other on CNY, and maybe some other family occasions and thats about it. But still, it broke my heart to learn of her fears and how she suffers from cancer.

I was at her wake the other night and we sat at the same table with my uncle, her husband. I havent seen him in a long while, and he looked really tired and had lost alot of weight.

My parents were asking him if my other aunt (who stayed with them) was in time to see this aunt for the last time, and then my dad asked if she was with her at the moment she breathed her last.

Well, she did not, but my uncle, her husband did. He was recounting how he was calling out to her with hands on her neck, and how he "saw" her leave, her final moments. His eyes were red. I so want to cry.

We all sat there not saying anything, yet feeling and understanding each other's grief. Another cousin came, and joined us at the table. Nobody spoke much, people came to pay their last respects, to see her face for the last time.

Its amazing the way a death of a family member can touch all of us.

This year's CNY we are not going anywhere. Suddenly, my family doesn't seem that big anymore, I have lost yet another family member.

The most cruel thing in life is probably the cycle of life and death. You have no control over it, you cannot help but grief over it but life still goes on. It scares me to think that I'll probably have to go through a few more of such deaths of my loved ones till my turn comes.

Can somebody teach me how to find meaning in life when death has taken over? I used to console myself and others when a loved one leaves because of sickness, that he/she is feeling better, free from all the suffering at least.

But how do I convince myself this time knowing that my aunt wants so much to live to the extent that she is very willing to suffer? Sigh.

I just hope that at least she is feeling better wherever she is now. I can only take solace in the believe that maybe at least, she have my cousin to accompany her.

If I had known that the last time I bid you goodbye was going to be the last time I ever saw you alive, I would have took a longer look at you, I would have given you a hug, tho you may not be used to such gestures from me.

Back..

2007-01-07T16:37:00.000+08:00

I'm back!! Quite a few days ago actually...

I throughly enjoyed myself. We took a total of 300 odd photos and 3 videos, but I'm just too lazy to post them up yet.

Laters people.

Weeeeee!!! Shanghai here I come!!

2006-12-24T14:55:00.000+08:00

The clock is ticking as I sit here typing this. Yeahh!! I am approximately 9 hours away from my flight!! I'm going to Shanghai to spend Christmas this year. Teeheehee!

The weather forecast for Shanghai is not as cold as when we first make bookings for our trip. The last time I checked this afternoon was at 13 degrees. But its still the COLDEST weather temperature I'm going to experience anyway. The coldest country I ever went to was Hong Kong during winter, but even that was higher than 20 degrees.

Anyways.

I'm very excited now, have been so looking forward to my trip since three months ago. This is my deserved break man, it had been a rather bad year this year.

Enjoy your Christmas people, I'm sure I will. I will bring back some stuff from shanghai, and till then, don't miss me yah? Muahahahahaha!!

Have a Merry Christmas!! ;)

Its Christ's Birthday!! ;)

2006-12-23T16:22:00.001+08:00

You are cordially invited to attend a BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!

Guest of Honor: JESUS CHRIST

Date: Everyday. Traditionally December 25, but He's always around, so the date is flexible.

Time: Whenever you're ready ... please don't be too late, though; or you'll miss out on all the fun.

Place: In your heart. He'll meet you there ... you'll hear Him knock.

Attire: Come as you are. .. grubbies are okay. He'll be washing our clothes anyway. He said something about new white robes and crowns for everyone who stays till the last.

Tickets: Admission is free. He's already paid for everyone.

(He says... You would not have been able to afford it. It's cost Him everything He had!)

Refreshments: New wine, bread and a far-out drink He calls "Living Water", followed by a supper that promises to be out of this world!

Gift Suggestions: Your Heart. He's one of those people who already has everything else. (He's very generous in return, though; wait till you see what He has for you! Entertainment: Joy, Peace, Truth, Light, Life, Love, Real Happiness, Communion with God, Forgiveness, Miracles, Healing, Power, Eternity in and much more! (All rated "G" so bring your family and friends.)

RSVP Very Important! He must know ahead so he can reserve a spot for you at the table. Also, He's keeping a list of His friends for future reference. He calls it the "Lamb's Book of Life".

Party Being Given By His Kids (that's us). Hope to See You There!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WILL BE AT THE PARTY SHARE THIS WITH SOMEONE!

Entertainment: Joy, Peace, Truth, Light, Life, Love, Real Happiness, Communion with God, Forgiveness, Miracles, Healing, Power, Eternity in, and much more! (All rated "G" so bring your family and friends.)

RSVP Very Important! He must know ahead so he can reserve a spot for you at the table. Also, He's keeping a list of His friends for future reference. He calls it the "Lamb's Book of Life".

Party Being Given By His Kids (that's us). Hope to See You There!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WILL BE AT THE PARTY SHARE THIS WITH SOMEONE!

!@%#^$&^%*^%^!!!

2006-12-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

*Warning: Angry Post*

I am so damn super pissed and it gets worse every other minute I think of it. I sold something on an auction site not too long ago and things have got nasty now.

To begin with, the transaction wasn't exactly a smooth one. It didn't occur to me to go read her bloody ratings before taking her order and now that I finally did, man, 17 bad comments out of 32, and she only had 4 positive ratings. Damn. I should have known.

In the beginning, she kept delaying payment despite the numerous times I told her that I will only order when I receive her payment. Anyways, I allowed her to delay time and again. She only paid up a day or two before I send the item out. That's how long she dragged it.

Still nevermind. I really don't like her attitude, each time I think of it, makes me wanna slap her really. I smsed her to tell her that I will post her item out the following Monday as I had left the item in office and she made the payment on a Friday evening.

Instead of sms-ing me her address, she smsed me this: "you don't have my address how you going to send it to me?" -_-

Blardy hell, instead of sending that, can't you just sms me your address? Now I have to waste another sms to ask you again for your address. Ridiculous leh.

Still, this was acceptable. I tolerated. Until she got really irritating. EVERY OTHER DAY she did not receive the item she will sms me to ask me. Hello, its the festive season now can, you are only paying a small amount for postage and you expect express delivery speed.

Not possible. The came yesterday. Again she smsed me to tell me she did not receive the item and asked me which address I sent to (she only gave me one address not a list as if I could choose which to send to). Well, I forgot my handphone yesterday and so when I saw her msg, it was 12 plus midnight already, so I didn't bother to reply.

Then early the next morning, she sent me an sms that made my blood boil.

"You fraud. I didn't receive the item until today"

BLOODY MOTHER FUCKER lor!!! Its not my fucking fault that she chose normal mail and it got lost can!!!

I really should have replied her "ya, you too, FRAUD, received already yet pretend you didn't and accuse people of playing your own game"

~~I sincerely hopes she falls down when she walks.~~

I told her that I have since deleted her sms that she sent for her address and she accuse me AGAIN of bullshitting. Arrgggghhh!!

I mean seriously, since I have already posted out the item, why should I bother to still keep the sms? I have limited space in my inbox can?!

Anyways, issue is still not solved yet. If that mad bitch still didn't recive the item (or so she claims) by next week, I will lodge a complain to the post office to get them investigate so to appease that mad woman.

Well, out of curiosity, I went to read her ratings, and to my horror, one of the sellers commented that this gal was a dishonest fella, tried to make away with two of her items when the seller mistook a payment from someone else as hers.

I'm begining to suspect that she might be lying this time too.

Why are some people like that?? For the life of me, I JUST CANNOT understand why they behave this way.

I feel like "the end" is in sight

2006-12-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

Yes yes, I know. The last time I blogged was in *gasp* October !! Haven had the time nor mood to blog lately. MANY things have happened in my life since the last time I blogged, and well, lets see if I'm able to recount them one by one.

Anyways.

I ended my previous semester on a rather bad note. I would say that I didn't start it well nor followed it thru well either. Part of the reason was due to some complications in my health. I blogged about some breast cancer scare sometime back and well, it isn't exactly over.

Yes, my previous semester. To sum it up, I skipped almost 50% of my classes (for *gasp* both units that I enrolled in) deferred my mid semester exam and yes, deferred one of my final examinations.

Somebody slap me.

I think God is being really nice and forgiving towards me, cause I actually managed to pass the other paper that I sat for WITHOUT really studying for it. Grade of cos wasn't very impressive, but well, what more can I expect.

Sigh.

My deferred exam will be in February next year which means I have 3 papers to take this semester instead of two. Arrrgghhh!! I ALMOST dropped one of the units I enrolled for this semester. Thank goodness I didn't. Sometimes I really hate myself for taking my studies so lightly. Ain't cheap , one lecture costs approximately $400!!

*Makes a mental note to conscientiously ~~drag myself to~~ attend each lecture.*

Anyways.

As I was saying. I haven't exactly been in the pink of health of late. Since the time I noticed some abnormal changes to my breast, I have been receiving little subtle signs from my body that SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG.

I decided to seek several other opinions and after several weeks of ding dong-ing around, I was told to seek help with a specialist. I got myself a referral letter to Alexandra Hospital for "further investigation"

Digressing, I initially asked to be referred to SGH, but I was told that the EARLIEST appointment that I could fix was in MARCH 2007!!! I really didn't want to wait and drag things that long, so I asked for other alternatives. Turns out, most of the other government hospitals have a waiting period of at least a month plus or so.

Alexandra was the FASTEST, with waiting time of only 3 weeks, and so I went. The waiting time was terrible I tell you. I was just thinking, what is the point of the government educating the public that early detecting saves lives when the hospital couldn't even grant you a appointment as fast???

3 months waiting time is more that enough for one to die from cancer before the doctor even gets to see me can? And even if I do make it to see the doctor, my situation would have already worsen till its too late for any cure wouldn't it?

Maybe they should change their campaign tact line to: "God-damned early detection MAY save lives" !@%#$*%^(&))!!!!

Anyways. Back to my topic.

Fast forward to a few weeks. I have gone for check up at Alexandra twice since. Speaking of which, when I first stepped into the hospital, a strong sense of fear overwhelmed me. Each time I was at a hospital was to visit a sick relative, but this time I'm the patient, and it certainly didn't help that I was alone.

The first appointment was not very pleasant. At the reception, I literally begged for a female doctor as I was there to see a doctor for some breast condition. The last thing I needed and wanted was to have a male doctor checking my breast for lumps and squeezing my nipples.

Well, I was told that I cannot choose as I am a subsidized patient. Fuck. Subsidized patients not human izzit? Subsidized patients means that we won't feel embarrassed about such issues izzit? Or subsidized patients means that we are NOT ALLOWED the LUXURY for feeling comfortable with our doctor checkup??!!

Crap. We are all females, allocate me a female doctor will die izzit? Anyways. I believe that Karma is everybody's best friend. Enough said. I got an INDIAN MALE doctor.

I shan't go into the details of my check up. I was sent for a blood test, and I had FOUR TUBES OF BLOOD DRAWN FROM ME!! I almost fainted.

The results from the blood test wasn't exactly that alarming, but I had certain hormone levels that fall under the "abnormal" range. I got myself scheduled for a MRI scan sometime in early January next year.

Sigh.

Needless to say, till now, I still have yet to get an official diagnosis for my illness/ailment. I was just telling Phoebe the other day that with all the tests and what not I have to go thru and still have yet to find out wtf is wrong with me, I think, dying actually seems so much easier. Heh.

I really hope all goes well, though I seriously don't know what to expect. You all know how I can really lack the faith that something good can ever happen in my life.

Until then, I'm going to enjoy my holiday trip to Shanghai next week (while I still can).

*Update: My aunt has unfortunately progressed into the final stage of lung cancer. Last Christmas was sad. This Christmas is so gloomy.*

Sigh.

Defination of Sway-ness

2006-10-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

Define what is sway-ness.

Sometimes, I think it takes quite alot of talent to be sway. Its like, just when you think that you have made all the neccessary preparations and precautions that nothing will go wrong, SOMETHING have to go wrong. Yeah, Murphy's law, what will go wrong WILL go wrong.

Anyways.

Heres my defination of sway-ness:

When you bring an umbrella for 364 days a year, and on the 365th day you forgot to bring, it rains.

When you slept early, woke up early and left the house real early and end up being horribly late for work because the traffic light broke down, traffic jam and minor accident happened ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

When you studied for almost every chapter in your textbook and left one out, and that particular chapter comes out in the exam and a major question at that.

**********

I have many more to list actually, but I'm too lazy to recall and type them all. So I'll just leave the ultimate one:

When you don't smoke, your whole fucking family don't smoke, all your ancestors never had cancer, and you are the only one diagnosed with lung cancer.

Yah, I'm talking about my aunt. My dad 2nd sister. I think sway-ness runs in my family. I thouht I was the only one who loved to lament, but apparently not, and I'm kinda suprised at that.

Anyways. My aunt.

That really came as a shock. To a certain extend, I think my aunt is still unable to accept the fact, which is, totally understandable of course, if it were me, I guess I will be much worse off. Well, my aunt was diagnosed with 3rd stage lung cancer, and she only found out quite late. Which also means, hope for a cure is minimal.

I overheard my dad telling my mum about his conversation with her on the fone today and how she is discharged and now awaiting counselling.

My mum asked my dad if my aunt had actually bought insurance, and then my dad mentioned how he didn't want to ask too much cos after a few sentences, he heard my aunt crying.

Its funny how stoic my dad can sound at times like this. He was telling my mum how my aunt feels breadthless when climbing the stairs and how....... her lungs are begining to detoriate.

I so wanted to cry. I, like her, have hoped that this was just a bad dream.

I am scared too. I do not know how she feels and I also do not understand how she feels but I know for sure she is scared too, and I'm afraid she will leave soon.

Sigh. How I wish I knew how I can help her.

Random Stuff

2006-10-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

Went to get a pedicure done on an impluse I must say. I had wanted to get some help in clearing all the dried and peeling off skin on my foot which was really getting worse. I wonder if its due to the exercising I did.

Anyways. It was my VIRGIN pedicure, I have NEVER done a pedi in my entire life prior to that haha!. Feeling pretty, I decided get a set of manicure done as well. Teeheehee.

Anyways. Pictures, kinda overdue, got them done the last weekend.

Pedicure. Just got a normal one done, as I was more interested in the getting rid of dead skin part.

Im not very impressed with the painting part tho. I feel I could have done a better job heh. The person didn't paint the sides. :(

Manicure. Couldn't resist getting nail art on my nails.

Feeling pretty, so I took a few more pics. Haha!!

VIRGIN manicure also. Haha!

So much for my virgin mani/pediure experience.

Feeling really frustrated with the haze. Seems like this year its one of the worst I've ever encountered. Really irritates my eyes and I have been coughing lately. Basket. Lucky I didn't really fall THAT sick *touch wood*

The haze's been so bad that I have not been really exercising that much for fear that my lungs cannot take it. I tried jogging around my estate last week, and my lungs burned for air. I havent been swimming of late too, but I resorted to going to the gym instead.

Look at that. (This has got nothing to do with camera poor resolution or what not.) Looks as if Singapore is very cold like that. Wonder how long my lungs can hold out tho. =(

Horoscopes

2006-10-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

I was introduced to the idea of horoscope readings by a friend many years back. I would say I wasn't exactly that well-read back then to know that such a thing existed.

Well, I must say I was rather no, VERY skeptical to the whole idea of horoscopes at first. But I subsequently became more open to it when certain aspects of it seems accurate and I realise that alot of people are so into it.

I would say I have a love-hate feeling towards horoscopes now. People who know me would most probably already guess why by now. Anyways. The large part of the reason is due to the fact that most of the horoscope reading/predictions were not accurate. (For me at least)

I used to go to this particular horoscope website for my monthly predictions very diligently. Until I realised that more than half the time, none of what was predicted came true and I got really sick and tired of trying to guess what each point was relating to and trying to slot in every thing that happened in my life against what was predicted.

Its quite retarted actually.

I dunno, then again, maybe its just me. Maybe I have the knack for proving ALL horoscopes wrong.

Human beings are quite queer sometimes. When horoscopes or (insert whichever form of fortune telling) turns up a reading that is not so positive, we tend to get all upset and bothered over it and then we keep brooding over it.

Or better still, when the readings/predictions are negative, we choose to TOTALLY disregard it as inaccurate. If that's the case, then why even bother to go consult such services? -_-

I still think that many things in life are meant to be a mystery, and the beauty of it comes from us not knowing what its going to happen next.

Anyways.

I was just having this particular conversation with my brother the other day and we talked a little about horoscopes. I guess the only beliveable thing about horoscopes is the aspect of the behavior of each signs, because many of them are really accurate, tho not all.

I was telling my brother about how I'm afraid to actually meet (read end up falling for) a guy who doesn't know how to think. By this, I really meant guys who are still not developed up there for some reason or another.

Yes, I'm so so so afraid that I'll meet such a guy. Actually meeting or knowing such a guy is not that scary, whats more scary is that I fall for him. Thats the end of my life when that happens. I'm afraid largely because if he's unable to think, then no amount of reasoning will work on him.

Anyways. I digress.

So yes, I was telling him that, and then I strayed a little to the topic of star signs. I was telling him how I'm so afraid of cancerian guys cos yaddah yaddah and how I feel why they would spell trouble if I dated one.

And then my bro told me that if how a person behaves depends largely on the month he/she is born in, then something is very wrong. (My bro is a beliveable of NOTHING except money btw)

Ahh. Makes alot of sense leh. Many people actually attribute certain behavior to horoscopes and its disturbing to know that many people actually accept that as a very logical school of thought. Whatever happened to basic common sense??

Anyways. Moral of the story? To hell with horoscopes. Believe in yourself. Muahahahaha!!

All that exercising...

2006-09-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

OMG. I just realised that I havent blogged for almost a whole month already. Have been real busy that I don't even want to come online other than doing my projects. Sigh.

Anyways.

Its been almost a month plus or so since I started my regular exercise regime. Well, part of the reason was of course to shed some weight and the other part of it was to stay healthy. Its weird that my "sudden" decision to START exercising had to come from a "scare" I actually got when I happened to see a guy in wheelchair who had lost his legs to diabetes.

And that's when it struck me how unhealthy a lifestyle I have been leading all these while. I guess, I just didn't want to spend a portion of my life without my limbs due to some illness.

Yeah, I know, I'm worrying too much. Way too much. Anyways.

It wasn't easy to lose weight even with all the exercising I tell you. I merely lost half a kg despite my vigorous work out. Yes, I exercise about 4 times a week, gym + swimming + jogging.

During the first few weeks, I actually gained weight, cos of the muscles that I was building with all the exercise. Damn demoralizing. Oh, and with the exercise, my metabolism went way up, and my appetite grew by tenfold. I just couldn't stop eating I tell you.

Well anyway, this went on for a few weeks with not much results UNTIL I FELL FUCKING SICK.

My stupid boss spread the virus in office. Damn it. He was sick, went to see a doctor, and the doctor gave him an mc, but he stayed on in office. Don't understand these people sometimes. Sick go back and rest for goodness sake. *pun unintended*

But I digress.

Yes, I fell horribly sick, high fever, whole body aching like I had rheumatism, bad cough that hurts my lungs so bad and a very very blocked nose.

I made my way to my company doctor and it was raining heavily with strong winds. I tell you, that short walk took ALOT of my energy and willpower. My head throbbed with each step I took, and the body aching didn't help one bit.

Well anyway, to cut the long story short, I spent the next three days in bed. I didn't do anything except eat very little and took medicine and then sleep. My fever took 3 days to subside.

I LOST 2 KG in that THREE DAYS.

Heh. So much exercise did almost nothing for my weight loss plans, all it took was a huge flu bug and I lost 2kgs. What the ????

Anyways.

I'm grabbing this sudden weight lost "opportunity" to work out even nore vigourously in the hope that I could at least see some significant difference in my weight. Teeheehee.

But I guess ultimately, have to freaking stop eating so much. Any one have any ideas? =p

What is the point of taking this photo?

2006-08-25T17:13:00.000+08:00

Breast cancer scare

2006-08-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes I know... I haven't blogged like almost a month. The longest time ever I think. Anyways.
I recently had a breast cancer scare. Well I guess many gals do get breast cancer scares like sometime in their lives, but damn, I must say it really scared the living shit out of me.

Anyways, I got it checked almost immediately and turns out to be some hormonal imbalances in my body. Thank God it was not cancer.

Apparently, when the doctor saw me, she didn't think it was anything serious, but still, I couldn't convince myself that nothing was wrong, cos apparently, it wouldn't have happened if I was totally hale. She sent me for a blood test nonetheless.

The waiting time for the test results to be out was really toturous I tell you. I got the results back a couple of days later. The clinic assistant called me and told me to make a trip to the clinic. I almost couldn't walk I tell you.

Apparently, she had told me that if there was nothing wrong with my blood test results, I don't have to make a trip down to the clinic, and then she called me and told me that my blood test results are high and the doctor wants to see me to DISCUSS TREATMENT.

I hyperventilated on the spot. Discuss what treatment?? Well, in the first place, I didn't know what the doctor tested my blood for, and the assistant apparently didn't know how to answer me when I asked her what was high? What did she mean by my blood test results were high??? She just told me to come down and let the doctor explain to me.

*faint*

I think I could have just died from shock before cancer could even reach me.

Anyways.

This saga kinda made me think ALOT. I kinda prepared myself for the worst and I asked myself, if I had to choose between my breast and my life, which would I want? Although I know which is OBVIOUSLY more important, I just can't bring myself to think that I had to die without a complete corpse.

When the assistant informed me to collect my results, I thought I had cancer. Really. I started thinking, what if I had only 3 more months to live? Would I be scared? If I have to die soon, am I going to be afraid?

Suprisingly, the more I thought about it, the less afraid I became. Yeah, I know, Im sounding very morbid.

Anyways.

Know how Im feeling now? I feel so happy that I have breasts. I had always taken for granted that I have them. Now I feel that its a blessing that I have them. I know I may sound ridiculars, but well, I guess its only when you are about to lose something, do you realise its importance.

2006-08-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

I am in quite a happy mood. I passed my supplementary paper for media planning!! Haha!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I failed my media planning paper, so I had to sit for a supplementary paper. If I pass it, then good, else I have to re-module.

I'm so damn glad that I don't have to re-module that unit. Teeheehee.

Anyways.

I was just thinking about this one statement one of my lecturers made just the other day during our first lessson. He was trying to fore warn us to study hard, not to skip lectures, yadahh.... yadahh.... He was telling us how many students appeal to be allowed to clear the unit because they are short of just 2 marks to past and what not.

Actually, I also failed by 2 marks for my media planning. No doubt I felt that it was such a pity, but no, it never crossed my mind to go appeal/beg or what have you.

Well, I don't really believe that any good would come out of it, and I'm kinda glad that it wouldnt work this way. Think of it, if the uni allows anyone who appeal to pass, then wouldn't the uni earn itself a reputation of being very lenient?

I don't think it would reflect very nice on my resume if people know that hey, the uni I graduated from is nothing big deal, cos they are so lenient and pehaps, all you need is money to get a degree.

Hmm... Food for thought heh.

Kids...

2006-07-23T14:31:00.000+08:00

For those who know me well enough would know how I HATE kids. Yeah, I know I know, I can almost hear people saying,"but you too were once a kid".

To that, I'll answer,"S-O, So??" Actually, I don't really have anything against kids I just cannot stand those who are simply so mischievous, rowdy, basically, very ill-mannered/behaved kids. Perhaps its really not the fault of the kids, its their parents who failed miserably to take them in hand, or they have simply spoilt them.

You see, I was ruled with an iron hand when I was a kid. Crying out loud in public would cause me a swollen face, a couple of lost teeth if Im unlucky, and not to mention, horrible peeling cum swollen skin on arms and legs (that would hurt like crazy if they touch water) all thanks to the rottan.

There are much more other "crimes" that would warrant such punishment from my dad, so needless to say, I was a timid kid, who didn't even dare to talk in class cause Im sure someone who tell my dad and I will get it again when I return home.

So stop saying that I was a kid JUST LIKE THEM, cause I was NOT.

Anyways.

Over the weekend, I attended my colleague's Solemnization at Amara Hotel. It was a simple but modest event, with buffet lunch on a Saturday afternoon. She didn't invite alot of people, only about 7 tables in all, and the crowd was quite manageable I would say.

Then came the time when the Solemnization was to take place. The pastor (or whatever you call him) was about to lead and start in the exchanging of vows for the couple and called for silence from the floor.

At this time, when the whole place was quiet and solemn, some *-~%^ child had to fucking start crying. Ok, I know its not the child's fault, he is probably too young to understand, but that's not the point, I mean, at a time or moment like this, every single thing makes a world of difference to the entire atmosphere of the event.

I don't know what others feel, but I would be so so so so pissed if some baby had to cry buckets and threaten to tear the whole building down when Im about to get married. And then you see the parent/parents trying desperately to calm the baby down (hence increasing more commotion), and in the end, all attention is on the freaking crying baby and the helpless parents.

Ehh, seems like such incidents happen ALL THE TIME.

Which makes me wonder, why in the blue hell would people want to bring along kids or babies for that matter, who OBVIOUSLY don't understand anything that is going on? If it was a wedding dinner they are attending, its definately NOT CHEAP to bing along a kid or babies even who eat little and don't know how to appreciate the food right?

Is it THAT difficult to find someone to babysit your kid for a couple of hours?? Ok, perhaps, it isn't entirely the fault of the kid/baby to start crying at the wrong or correct time or whatever, fact is, babies or kids have very little self control over their temper and thus don't know when to keep quiet.

I shall not even go into kids who simply cannot behave themselves and parents have given up hope, so just allow them to run around like they are in some freaking playground and knock over people and things in the process.

And they are almost immediately forgiven because they are just kids. -_-

What a beautiful memory it would leave for the wedded couple.

My colleague's big event was not that extreme la. Just a baby crying which was bad enough in my opinion, but imagine what if some kid too young to understand the gravity of things, just spoils your big day like this?

Not to mention you cannot get angry or raise your voice cause its your event and big day and THEY ARE JUST KIDS and it would reflect very badly on you. *grrrrr*

I think that people should consider to restrict their guests from bringing their kids or babies, or simply set an age limit to the kids that guests bring along. Its for the comfort and best for everyone present.

Doing surveys for people you don't know

2006-07-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

*I suddenly had this feeling that I HAVE TO blog already. I haven't seem to blog properly in the longest time ever wasn't in the mood I guess. Anyways.*

About doing surveys. I thought I should try to be nice since I wanna get into this industry someday.

Today, a lady (sounds aunty with broken English and all) called my home, and since I was the only one around in the hall, I answered the phone, turns out, she was calling from some market research company wanting to do a survey. (Did I forget to mention that its the exact same company that I sent my resume to and didn't reply?)

She was like half begging me to help her do the survey, so I told her ok, and asked what is the subject about. She told me that its on chocolates, and I later realised that it is particulary on Ferro Roche. Nevermind how I knew it.

Anyways.

Its a very normal survey, the kind you get all the time. I haven't done a reseach for anyone I don't know in a long long while because they all tend to be overly pushy and when you agree to do one, they end you asking you to do another and another and another and insert no of times.

That was EXACTLY what happened. *grunts*

ALOT of questions can? She kept asking me questions after questions and after going through so many, I started to get really impatient. At first, I didn't notice, after asking about chocolates, she suddenly started asking me about sweets, and I thought "fine, maybe got some link"

Then she started to ask other questions TOTALLY NOT related to chocolates nor sweets. Like mobile usage, coffee, MATTRESSES, and she didn't even bother to tell me that we are moving on to the next next and next topic. For fear I would just tell her enough, and hang up.

Wah lau. How can like this? First, not pro lor, before every new topic, you should read out to the interviewee what the research topic is about, second, you even tried to cover it up hoping that I wouldn't know that I'm actually doing more than one survey.

I know you get paid for every one suvey you get people to complete, but this is also not the way right?

Anyways.

I got REALLY impatient and asked her, "how many surveys EXACTLY do you want me to complete?" Then she say last one last one. So, in the end, I did like a total of 5 surveys when she told me she only needed me to help her with one. -_-

Interviewers like these are ther exact reason why I stopped helping people to do surveys and I'm feeling so foolish now that just when I decided to be nice...... Grrrrrrrr

F***

2006-07-16T18:03:00.001+08:00

Holy cow... I failed my media planning paper... Now gotta sit for the Supp paper which is tomorrow... Oh God... Wish me luck heh...

Going mask crazy...

2006-07-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

A recent stock take on the number of sheet facial masks I have sitting at home brought up the grand total of 42. My God, that's enough to allow me to use DAILY for the next one and a half month... *shy*

My new boss...

2006-07-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

I don't really have anything interesting to blog about actually. Well, I had my one-to-one meet up session with my new department head, and I conclude that he is one hell of a weird fella.

I often wonder what is this thing with bosses, they always seem to like to ask questions that warrants politically correct answers from people, which in other words also mean that more than 50% of the time, people are likely to lie to you.

Do they enjoy being lied to that much? Weird leh.

Anyways.

He said that the reason he called for the one-to-one session with each and every single one of us in the department is to get to know us better, and so, the exchange with him covers anything from work till what we feel about the company and our colleagues.

Past experiences with interviewers and other working counterparts have made me realize that when thrown with questions like that, it is wise to keep your two cents worth in your pocket, and so, I gave him very lukewarm attitude about my "feelings" for the company, my work, and my colleagues.

I mean correct what, how do you expect me to answer you if you ask me "are you proud of your company?" Don't laugh, but that's exactly what he asked me lor, he even asked me questions like "do you tell people that you work for xxx hotel in the sales department?"

Seriously, how you expect me to answer you that? I don't suppose anyone would believe me if I said yah, I'm am so proud of the company, such that my aim is to get the long service award and I plan to work till I die or till the company folds, whichever comes first right? duhzz.

I really can't believe that he asked me that question. He even mentioned that he noticed a lack of interest or energy in me. I mean yeah, my friends and relatives all know that I work in the sales department in xxx hotel, but so? Am I supposed to jump for joy at that fact? Duhzz.

I mean, I don't take for granted the fact that I have a job, and that my company is decent, gives me my pay on time, gives me annual leaves, medical leaves exam leaves and what not.

At the end of the day, me coming to work there is a contract between me and the company, they pay me to get a job done, and so my responsibility is to get it done well. I do recognize that as a part of the department, I have a part to play in helping the department or the hotel even to achieve the goals that were set out, but anything beyond that, I have the right to draw the line right?

Damn. I feel I should have asked him, "are you a Singaporean?" "So do you love Singapore? "Are you proud of Singapore?" "How come is it that I don't seem to see any energy or excitement from you to be living in Singapore?"

I feel so ridiculars already.

For Crystal...

2006-06-23T00:36:00.000+08:00

I got my first birthday present this year, and I'm gona dedicate this post to the following person:

Crystal Lim Kah Chuan a.k.a Xiao Qiang

There. She's such a darling. She actually got a bouquet of roses (really generous of her) sent to my workplace today. A dozen of champagne roses with a cute dog attached to its side. Really is gei zu wo mian zi heh.

I tell you, this is the FIRST time I actually received a bouquet of flowers leh. Obviously very touched. Not that I love flowers, I don't actually, but I guess its the kinda feeling you get when you receive them, oh and also the feeling that the whole world is looking at you when you carry those flowers on the streets. Haha!!

Anyways. Pictures.

Nice rite?

I can't really take it with the dog that came with it, cos its attached to the stalk of the flowers. So I removed the dog from it when I got home and took this:

So sweet of her. Really made me feel so like a gal. Haha!!

Thanks alot, Crystal!! *mmmuuuaaaccckkksss*

What makes stupid people tick?

2006-06-18T15:37:00.000+08:00

I have been quite clumsy of late. I broke two bottles of nail polish not too long ago, and both bottles kinda "shattered" and expectedly, splashed nail polish all over the place.

Well, one of them was broken in my home, the other was broken at Watsons. You see, the Watsons has this little stands with layers of basket like containers to place smaller products like nail polishes.

The person who topped that compartment up also one kind. Filled it up to the brim, how can people look through the bottles of nail polishes without dropping some of it out?? Well, yeah, quite expectedly, one bottle dropped out, and well, splashed all over the place, with broken glass and all.

So, I went to inform one of the staff there that I had broken a bottle of nail polish, cos its a mess, somemore at the cashier area right at the front of the store where there are alot of people, people coming in and out of the store, and people queuing to pay.

And this was what happened:

Me: "Erm, excuse me, I broke a bottle of nail polish in front of the cashier"

She (in a very casual and laid back tone): "You broke a bottle of nail polish? Oh, its ok..."

She then continued with whatever she was doing..............

Me: "Erm, but its all over the place, with broken glass"

She: "Oh, ok.."

Finally makes her way to the mess I've created.

I don't know if she stupid or what really.

I know that its ok that I broke a bottle of nail polish cos I spent a good amount of time working at Watsons last time and we didn't charged anyone for breakage, and besides, it costs only $3.90. Bleahzz! I'm not telling you cos I'm expecting to pay for it ok?

I'm telling you cos its a huge mess out there and I'm indirectly asking you to clear it cos with broken glass and polish over the place, people could have been hurt. Really have no sense of urgency, either that, or she is really dumb.

I mean, last time when I was working at Watsons, when customers told me something was broken or spilled, my INSTINCT reaction was to get a cloth and plastic bag to go clear whatever the mess was. No?

Must I really go tell her "hey, I accidentally broke a bottle of nail polish, can you please go clean it up?" *shakes head* Like I always say, it amazes me to see so many stupid people around.

Ok fine, maybe I should not be too mean since I was at fault for breaking the bottle of nail polish.

I HATE myself...

2006-06-17T21:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, the stupid things that I do to screw myself up really amazes me of the degree of stupidity I am capable of. I wonder why time and again it happens DESPITE knowing how important it is and how badly I wanted it.

Sighs.

I've finished my last paper for the semester already, and boy, it was tough. Well, perhaps if I had started a tad earlier and not dilly dallying around, I MIGHT have at least get a decent enough grade for it.

Now, I can only say that I'm prepared to fail it and sit for the supp paper (I wonder if I'm even qualified to sit for that) and great, my transcript will reflect a "Fail" in it.

There. I killed ALL POSSIBLE chances of getting into my "dream" job. I can't believe I did that to myself. How am I ever EVER going to explain to my prospective bosses at the interview that I love and have the passion for this field/industry when my transcript records a "FAIL"?!?!

Somebody congratulate me. I just crushed my own dreams with my own bare hands. Damn, I'm finding it exceedingly impossible to love myself like that.

YEAHH!!!!!!

2006-06-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

FINALLY!!! FINALLY!!!

F-I-N-A-L-L-Y!!! Finally finished my Media Planning paper!! I instantly felt like a better person already. The paper was quite ok, so hope its FAREWELL to that HORRIBLE unit! Haha!

I was so hopeless in Media Planning I tell, cos all the shit that the questions requires to find all seem to be asking for the same thing.

I got a "beautiful" grade for my mid term test at 10/50 *gasp* Its the LOWEST I ever got in this entire course can. I TOTALLY could not grasp the gist of it, but then hor, when I do get an answer correct without any help from notes or friends, I get so excited that ~~I get an orgasm on the spot.~~

Anyways.

Enough of Media Planning. Have to go prepare for my Marketing Research paper tomorrow liao.
I seriously cannot wait to complete my course. I so damn tired of everything now sia, losing carrer opportunities and all. I think I'll just quit walking when I get my degree, I'll FLY!! haha!

Laters

And I thought FINALLY...

2006-06-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

Its been almost three months since the last sales secretary has left the hotel and we have yet to find an replacement. Damn, and I have to keep doing other people's job for nothing.

Not to mention that some of which I have absolutely no idea how to do, and NOBODY is teaching me, I have to figure it out myself, right or wrong, I have to answer.

Doesn't sound very fair ain't it? It is so demoralising I tell you, and God knows when all this is going to end and that I can finally hand over. My assistant head is taking a really really long time to interview and select people.

I know he has been interviewing, but he started really late I tell you, like almost one and a half months after the previous secretary left. He is dragging his feet cos he feels that our boss isn't on board yet and hence he is waiting for him to come in so he can do his own recruiting of his secretary. -_-

Then came the "good" news. My assistant head found a gal to fill the position, I was happy for awhile, but then, before her scheduled date to join us, she backed out, and decided to reject the job offer. God knows why.

Nevermind.

Later, we heard they found another. I'm not sure if she is the same gal who had earlier on decided not to come, but anyways, she reported for work on the scheduled date and I happily started my handover, and I thought... FINALLY.

The following day came and she didn't turn up. Appears she smsed my HR the previous night that she changed her mind as the job seem more administrative which is not what she is looking for. -_-

I can't even begin to describe how I feel sia. Its like a roller coaster ride, one minute very high up, the next, we have hit rock bottom.

And so, I have to continue doing the job of other's for nothing. Can somebody please teach me how to be optimistic? This is the 3rd fucking month liao leh!! The previous secretary also got confirmed at her new job already!!

(LOUD) Sigh.

"Miserere mei, Deus..."

Starting from scratch...

Heaven in my mouth!

My very own events timetable! :)

Another 42km under my belt!

Whee!!

Never, never, never give up!

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy..."

About the new job...

"Kyrie Eleison"

FREEDOM!! At LONG last!!

Two forces in this world

Random

Things are looking good!

Good riddance to bad rubbish

Epiphany

At long last...

Cheers to a brand new beginning!

Is loneliness really a choice? WARNING: Emo post.

A runner's fuel = Anger, Frustration, Embarrassment.

Pay raise and promotion

FML

Thy will be done..

Dare to speakthe most powerful wordsin your vocabulary -the sentencemost feared byGod's enemy -Four simple wordsuttered only bya heart of trust -hard words thatpromise gloryeven on a path of pain.Whisper 'Thy will be done,'and rest in God's guaranteeto bring good out of anything.

The best 12 days of my life so far..

YOG 2010

"I would be true"

"But God."

Week 2 of training - short update.

Thoughts...

New blogskin!

*Warning* ANGRY post!

Marathon training commences!!

My virgin trip to Bangkok, Thailand

Reflections..

Am so super pissed with myself!

Woot! My dad got me a laptop!!

My first ever attempt at the 42km

Reflections on my virgin church camp

Updates from my Jakarta business trip

Amadeus is so so so good!

Story of my life (or lack thereof)..

Food for thought!

!!!!!

Having nightmares about the number 42..

I'm in lllooovvvee!!

I am.. so screwed.

I fired my viola teacher today

When..?!

"How much do you think you are worth?"

Not so awesome weekend..

Joshua Bell is coming to Singapore!

I...

I hate Mondays...!!

Inspirational stuff!

Life in slow mo...

Bad fall

He inspires me!

Memoir of a fat overweight gal

Happy Birthday!

The little beautiful things in life that inspires people!

Blog post in pictures!

Making a point via Facebook

A restless generation…

HAPPY!!

My new baby!

No title

Random

I feel so blessed and loved!!

In the light of my impending baptism...

Take A little Time to Love

At LLLLOOONNNGGG Last AGAIN..

LLLLAAAAZZZZYYY

If you love a person...

Not again..

The end of a 14 year misery

Grieving over the death of YET ANOTHER loved one

I'm proud of myself

FINALLY... My last day

Goodbye...

Dare to speak
the most powerful words
in your vocabulary -
the sentence
most feared by
God's enemy -
Four simple words
uttered only by
a heart of trust -
hard words that
promise glory
even on a path of pain.
Whisper 'Thy will be done,'
and rest in God's guarantee
to bring good out of anything.

Warning ANGRY post!