Epiphany

During epiphany week, I had an epiphany. A tad late actually, but I'm glad it came nonetheless. Many of my friends who know me, know that I am someone who craves for job satisfaction. And for the longest time, I have been searching for that so-called "dream job" or "calling".

I actually believed that I am not feeling satisfied/fulfilled/happy because I wasn't doing what I was meant to be doing, and did of course kinda think that as long as I can find that so-called "dream job" I would be happy.

Nothing wrong with really wanting to find that "dream job" or to find my calling in life. In fact, there really isn't anything wrong with seeking job satisfaction. But I was so obsessed with finding it that it totally stressed me out that I have still yet to find that job when I'm about to hit my 30s.

It definitely didn't help that I didn't know what I wanted to do in life, and along the way, I have learned that doing the things that you are good at doing, doesn't necessarily make one happy.

On that note, I ended 2010 with a heavy heart. Alot of things happened and I was starting to really think about where do I go from here. Leaving my current job took alot of courage especially when I was leaving without a job.

I prayed hard and went into a state of anxiety. Christmas came and went, and still nothing could calm my fears.

I had an epiphany yesterday when a job offer suddenly brought to mind the Christmas sermon we had on Christmas day.

I can't really remember the topic of pastor Melvin's sermon, but I remembered a story he told of a man who had for years, been searching for the perfect Christmas. Apparently, this was a true story, and it was a reflection that he had.

Being married with kids, this guy had for many years wanted what he deemed as a perfect Christmas with just him and his wife. But every year, they were unable to get away because of various commitments.

During one particular Christmas, a mini drama unfolded in his living room. One of the presents under the Christmas tree caught fire. His instinct was to put out the fire by stepping on it, but he forgot that he was wearing furry lion head bedroom slippers. That made the fire worse.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the family put out the fire and it left a mess in the living room. So much for a perfect Christmas.

But he started reflecting on how he had for years, been so obsessed with wanting that perfect Christmas that he had totally missed the entire message of Christmas.

He went on to say that honestly, the Christmases that he has had so far, though not perfect, was good, and felt that perhaps, nevermind perfect, good is enough. He thought about the circumstances surrounding that first Christmas and felt that after all, the first Christmas was not perfect either.

That got me thinking abit last night. Perhaps, like his case, there isn't such a thing as a "dream job" after all, and perhaps, even if someday I land myself in what I deem as a "dream job", I would not find happiness either.

It did suddenly seem like I have spent so much time and energy searching for that "dream job", and I perhaps, I have totally missed the whole point about being happy, having contentment and fulfillment in life.

Oh well, food for thought. It's delayed since the message came during Christmas, but I'm glad at least it came. =)