Is being paid to get backstabbed everyday considered a job?? (An episode with THT EUNUCH)

I just got yet another "hole" in my back... Guess where it came from?? No surprise actually... Its yet another "hole" i got from another round of back stabbing... i suddenly feel sssooo G** damned "hole-ly" now... (haha) C'mon... won't somebody CONGRADULATE me?? sigh...
I HATE my job... i REALLY REALLY do... I really can't understand... there are more than a hundred and one professions in this entire universe, why is it that some people choose to be b****es??? F***!! Getting backstabbed every other day, todae, by some EUNUCH, tomorrow, by some b**** (Note: IRREGARDLESS of whether you are at work or on leave) sigh... totally no motivation to work at all... In front of everybody tell them how you owe him $$, and make it sound as if you want to "swallow" or CHEAT his $$, with no intention to return at all... (n mind u, its only $30), then in front of you, sing another tune to you... whats worse, can still tell you tht they HATE and dun believe in OFFICE POLITICS, and how they are being VICTIMISED by it all, and tell you tht you of all ppl should know them well by now (and what f*** what f***...) Then make it sound like its OUR FAULT!! Hes the ANGEL!! Give me a break... im honestly not interested in what kinda sucker you are... go screw somebody else... Try as i might, i seriously just cannot understand why some ppl can behave like tht... I honestly think it takes lots and lots of TALENT to be able to pull something like tht...

"Im not as vicious as what you and you UNION MEMBERS may think..."

"YOU SHOULD NOE ME WELL BY NOW... just dont' like the POLITICAL VIBES in office..."

Yea man... look WHOS talking...

Oh well... enough of him...

Guess most of you might have heard me saying this OFTEN, "Scarly one day kennah knocked down by a car..." some of you probably think that it's my tagline... Well, theres a reason for me saying that OFTEN of course, just that many of you probably dun know it stems from one of my “morbid fantasies” hahahaha!! I always enjoy the feel of the adrenaline rush, the excitement its gives me that sets my heart racing... I remember how the older generation often reminds us to watch out for cars and traffic while crossing the roads. I do, just that, its for a different reason...

Imagine... JUST IMAGINE... yourself standing in the middle of the road, and you are about several feet away from the nearest pavement... The road is empty, except for a car traveling at moderately high speed... You realize that you are in the lane of the car, the distance between you and the car closes up as the seconds ticks by... The driver is “honking” at you to get off the road, but you just stay put as if your feet were glued to the ground... Your heart is racing, excitement builds up in you, and its getting your adrenaline pumping... You stand there and watch as the car closes up the distance between you and the car, the driver is still “honking” (well, probably more frantically now) at you, and the urge to sprint for “safety” is screaming and tearing you up inside as you battle against your inertia to make the dash...

How did that feel? =) I often get myself involved in such “scenarios” because I simply love the feeling of excitement build up in me, my heart racing, and my mind screaming at me, while I just let fear take FULL CONTROL of my whole being... I have a couple of friends who are drivers who love the occasional rush when they see people crossing the roads... they admit they have the urge sometimes, to speed and then at the FINAL, CRUCIAL moment, jam the brakes... Hmm... sounds cool, maybe one day I should experiment with them and push our limits to the EXTREMES... now this is my idea of EXTREME SPORTS!! hahahaha!! Sounds crazy? Yeah, many of my friends thought so too...

Guess you probably know how my tagline came about now heh? So if I do get killed in a road accident some day... hahaha!

Moving on... Have you ever felt so down sometimes that you feel like giving up?? I Do. I recently came across this poem which kinda describes exactly what i feel inside I guess... Especially at times when things are rough and cruel... Its strange how it is that its ESPECIALLY during such times, that you suddenly feel you are REALLY ALL ALONE... (if you know what I mean)

WHEN I'M HURTING
It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.
It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.
It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.
If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.
But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.

--Jo A. Witt

Beautifully written heh? =p Kinda made me feel guilty that sometimes, I too, have neglected my friend's and was not able to understand their agony. I admit that there were times where I simply couldn't care less and actually felt irritated that my friend's been down for too long. Way too long in fact. I guess different people will have their fair share of problems, and yes, I do believe that if I or somebody else have walked through it, why can't my friend? I guess I falied to realise that alot of things need TIME (the so goddamned fucked up factor tht most of us do not have. haha), and I should have been a little more patient and let them sort out their own problems. *sigh* maybe I cared too much that's why... Alright, enough liao, damn tired... *yawnzz*