"Miserere mei, Deus..."

2010 is finally over. I'm glad to move on to a new year and hopefully, this year would be a much better and productive year for me. For the most part of 2010, it felt like it was on a fast forward mode for me.

I have not blogged in awhile, I realised. Thing's been going wrong of late I must say, and life's been so hectic that it's crazy. Been mad busy the past couple of weeks.

Today is a horrible day. I can't believe the attitude of the people I have to work with. In fact, they are so incredulous that I feel as if my eyes are about to roll off from rolling them too much *rolls eyes*.

I resigned. Yes, AGAIN. I finally found a new job with a boutique marcomm agency to do account support and servicing.

Initially, I was really satisfied with my co, as the duties I was SUPPOSED to be doing seem interesting, and besides, the pay and the benefits were really good. The co was rather huge and had a decent reputation, so on the surface, and there really seems nothing to complain about.
Well, as most of you probably already know the only and also happens to be the BIGGEST problem with the job was, I had literally NOTHING to do.

Nobody knows what my boss had in mind when he hired me, and my boss on the other hand feels that there isn’t a need to clearly specify my job scope and neither did he want to let me handle anything "big" as he feels that I’m inexperienced.

Which really made me wonder then why in the first place did he hire me knowing that I do not have relevant experience??

Well, my team leader on the other hand, would occupy me with certain small tasks from time to time and he too does not give me anything major to do, as he does not want to interfere with whatever plans my boss MAY have for me.

This of course lead to me hanging around the office everyday surfing the net for nine whole hours and taking extended toilet breaks just to pass time. I kept hoping and telling myself that things will change for the better the time I was there but as months passed, I gave up hope.

I have been here for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS already and things are still THE SAME. The only thing my boss EVER ask me to do are really lame stuff which I really cannot help feeling is an insult to my intelligence.

Even to the day I planned and ultimately tendered my resignation, he still had in mind to get me to take on one of the lame "projects" that he had been asking me to do all these months.

I was indeed right on my decision to leave. To think I actually thought of staying and hoping things would get better.

Seriously, its hard to get started to do anything serious if you had a boss who feels that he cannot trust you to do anything substantial because of your inexperience.

Although I know that I could have stayed and try to convince him otherwise and prove myself, but getting us started somewhere is going to take another substantial amount of time and I seriously do not wish to waste anymore of my time. My brain, my morale and self confidence was slowly but surely wasting away already.

Anyways. I’m looking forward to my few days break, and I hope the new job would really allow me to develop other skills than lazing around.

Fine. I know. I have not blogged for like the longest time possible. I really didn't have the mood. Anyways.

I finally did change my career. Today is actually my last day with the hotel, and nope, I did not cry. Well, its not that I have so many hard feelings that Im totally relieved to be leaving, just that.. Ok, fine. I had slightly watery eyes.

Those of you who know me well enough knows how much I wanted to get out. To be honest, I was lucky. Really. I had reached my maximum when I decided to resign, and at that point of time, I have yet to find a job. I had even reached the point where I started maximizing my finances so that I can last as long as possible without a salary.

I was that desperate ok.

Anyways. That week came a call for an interview. I really didn't think much of it as I had already applied a long time ago and besides, the position wanted someone with at least 2 years experience which I totally didn't have.

Well, to cut the story short, I went for it, and they called me for a second interview on the very day. I was offered on the spot. Everything happened suddenly, I was totally in a shock then.

I tendered my resignation a week later when I signed the appointment letter. I'm actually quite surprised that they were willing to offer me the salary that I asked for. But I'm happy of course! =D

Ok anyways. It has been three long years with the hotel and because it was almost like my first job upon graduation, the good and the bad times I had there kinda allowed me to "grow up" and mature alot. I would say, the three years there molded me. And for that, I'm of course thankful.

There are still quite a couple of colleagues there who I really treasure and am already missing now. Nonetheless, I know we all must move on and I know that my decision today is the right one.

I took a longer look back when I was on my way out of the hotel today. I have been coming to this place almost everyday for the past 3 years and now... Yes, I'm kinda sad, and I'm happy too at the same time. Gives me a very nostalgic feeling really.

I start the new job on monday, I'm both excited and scared. Very apprehensive cos I have no experience on the job scope. But nonetheless, I know I will succeed in making a name for myself. Wish me well people.

Holy cow... I failed my media planning paper... Now gotta sit for the Supp paper which is tomorrow... Oh God... Wish me luck heh...

Sometimes, the stupid things that I do to screw myself up really amazes me of the degree of stupidity I am capable of. I wonder why time and again it happens DESPITE knowing how important it is and how badly I wanted it.

Sighs.

I've finished my last paper for the semester already, and boy, it was tough. Well, perhaps if I had started a tad earlier and not dilly dallying around, I MIGHT have at least get a decent enough grade for it.

Now, I can only say that I'm prepared to fail it and sit for the supp paper (I wonder if I'm even qualified to sit for that) and great, my transcript will reflect a "Fail" in it.

There. I killed ALL POSSIBLE chances of getting into my "dream" job. I can't believe I did that to myself. How am I ever EVER going to explain to my prospective bosses at the interview that I love and have the passion for this field/industry when my transcript records a "FAIL"?!?!

Somebody congratulate me. I just crushed my own dreams with my own bare hands. Damn, I'm finding it exceedingly impossible to love myself like that.