Rantings *foul mood*

I'm getting more and more jaded by the day. My confidence in alot of things and issues that are once very fucking important to me are now....... let's just say, I cannot be bothered anymore. GREAT amounts of violent suspicions attack me whenever I make any decisions with relations to human relationships, be it friends, family or... whatever.

It did scare me before to be this jaded. But as time goes by, and I meet more "FRIENDS" I realise that maybe, I do love being so jaded and couldn't wait to intensify it.

The shit that I have been thru and the "not so worth it" "friends" that I have come across have made me realise that perhaps, friendship isn't that great and precious afterall.

As such, I find it so difficult to be touched by anyone's kind gestures towards me, thinking that they all come with strings attached, which is, more often than not, very true.

I don't know about others, but I always find myself being made used of by people I call "friends" they are those who SELDOM contact you, and when you do message them, they DON'T reply BUT when they need your help, let's say, to borrow something from you, they can call and call and message and message and expects you to reply FAST.

A "friend" of mine once told me that "friendship is not about corresponding everyday" and that "friendship should be taken lightly" it makes me wonder if I'm missing out on alot of shit. Are friends supposed to be like this? Or am I indeed getting older? *rolls eyes*

A couple of people from my workplace whom I thought were good to keep as friends, but when they left SUDDENLY and shoved all the shit up my ass and down my throat, I realised that the feeling is NOT mutual.

It's ironic that while they feel that I have made them understand the greatness and meaning of friendship, they made me realise and understand the insignificance of it, and perhaps, how stupid I have been ALL THIS WHILE.

Anyways.

And then we have kinship. That, I have lost confidence in it a long long time ago since my grandmother died. (close friends would know what exactly happened). Then not too long ago, the saga with my aunt has left me still staying at home at not at her place.

I mean, yeah, the excuses that I gave about having to study now and how so inconvenient that it would be to carry all my notes and texts to and from is valid, just that if it was in the past, no matter how inconvenient, I would still make my way down even if it was to stay for less than a week.

I refuse to talk more about what happened between me and my aunt, again close ones will know what happened.

Crap.

As for the third, relationship, don't even need to talk about it. That is considered a worst case scenario.

Anyways. Enough of ranting, as if ranting would make any of the above scenarios change for a better one, if change would exists, it would ONLY be for the worst. Shall stop here fucking foul mood.