At about 7 months ago, I was 9kg heavier than I am today. Yes, I was at my fattest heaviest that I have ever been at that time.
The massive weight gain happened about 1.5 years ago, when I had a job change. The new job wasn't working out well and I was under alot of stress. So I took to eating. ALOT. I put on a total of *gasp* 12kg in 6 months time.
Yes, you heard it right. 6 months. Even right now when I look back, I shudder to think how did I even allow myself to put on that much weight?! It obviously didn't happen overnight, I did eat a massive amount to get there.
I didn't just eat alot, I OVERATE. I got to the point where eating becomes no longer enjoyable as after each meal, I felt like throwing up. The weight gain came pretty quickly, and to make matters worse, I was in delusion.
As you can imagine, as a result, 12kg happened.
Over the course of time, I did think of working off those extra weight. I really did. Everyone around me was telling me I put on alot of weight. But somehow, I never got down to really working hard for it. I was lazy, skip one or two meals, and expect to lose some weight. I haven't even thought of going to the gym or doing any form of exercise!
Seeing the negligible effort to curb my diet didn't do anything at all to my weight, I gave up and decided that its not going to work.
And I continued to eat.
I actually asked many of my church mates to pray for me for successful weight loss but of course, I didn't really believe I will actually lose weight and started to entertain self-defeating thoughts like, "you'll never make it", "you are destined to be fat", and so forth and not long later, I actually stop believing I will EVER lose weight.
It wasn't suprising that during this time, self esteem, morale, self-believe hit an all time low. Clothes have started to get too small, way too small, and because I refused to buy new ones lest I get comfortable in my "new weight", I had lesser and lesser clothes to wear.
And then I stopped taking photos, and hated being a part of any form of group photos, not because I was anti-social, but because EVERY ANGLE I TOOK, MY FACE (ok, and everywhere else) LOOK FAT AND ROUND!
It got so bad to the extent that I started to make detours whenever I happened to bump into people from my past. Old friends, classmates, ex-colleagues, because I cannot bear having them gasp and being mortified by my massive weight gain.
So at approximately after 1.5 years of living in misery, I finally decided to do something about it. My colleague Celia actually took me out on my virgin 30 mins non-stop run around our office vicinity and encouraged me loads during that run. I must say that first run almost killed me. But I'm glad I stuck it through, cos after that run, I started trying out longer distances.
I have Celia to thank for that really.
Running when you have not exercised for so long is definitely tough. Being overweight made it harder. My lungs threatened to shut down and my heart felt as if it was about to collapse, and the legs...
I walked like a crab the next day.
And then I started to control my diet. Words cannot begin to describe how terrible and miserable that made me. You see, food to me has got a high emotional value. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry.. hell, I even eat in despair.
Eating brings my mood up. Each day at work, especially when its been a tough day, just thinking what I want to have for lunch or dinner makes me happy.
And of course, there was my favorite sweetened drinks. Bubble Tea!! I used to drink a few cups per day. So all that had to go. I started eating lesser quantities, finishing only 3/4 of what I would usually eat, and I stopped the bubble teas, lemon teas, teh-c bings, and what nots.
During that period, miserable took on a whole new different meaning for me. I literally lost the will to live. I remember one day when my colleague went down to buy coffee, he asked around the office if anybody wanted anything. I so wanted, but I couldn't of course, I totally felt like crying.
I lunch away from everybody else cos I brought my own wholemeal bread, apples and what nots, I simply couldn't sit with a group of people having bar chor mee, char kway teow or chicken rice for lunch.
I even did the Kelloggs Special K diet and tried my darnest to stick to 2 meals a day on that. I gave up on the 2nd day. Because by the morning of the 2nd day, out of a total of 4 meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner and then breakfast again) I have had Kelloggs Special K for 3 meals. I wanted to puke.
I gave that up (I still eat it only for breakfast though) and occasionally allowed myself to eat proper meals like fish bee hoon soup. I would finish 3/4 and then pretend I had my fill while the remaining food stares at me and inside me claws at me to eat on.
And then I started to increase my frequency of exercise. I was dang motivated by Obama, who despite having the biggest job in the world, was able to keep a 6 day a week exercise routine. Busy is no longer an excuse man. I can't possibly be busier than the president of the United States of America, can I?
I started exercising 4 times a week, once a week short jogs, once a week gym, and twice a week I do my long distance jogs of at least 6 - 7km.
And then the weight loss started to happen. 1kg by 1kg, I was ecstatic!
I must say weight loss is addictive, after losing the first few kilos, you just keep wanting to go at it. Week after week, my weight drop, I would buy a new pair of pants that fit comfortably, and then 2 weekends later, its too loose.
I can literally get out of my old jeans without unbuttoning and unzipping it! :D
Fast-forward to today, some of the lessons I took from this weight-gain-loss lesson:
I am of course still about 4kg to go from where I started putting on the weight, but I am definitely working on it. Although I must say, my diet is not as extreme as when I started out.
- It's not about how tough it is to lose x amount of kg, it's how badly you want to lose weight
- Forget the shortcuts, the ONLY way/formula that works in weight loss is "SHEER BRUTE HARD WORK"
- As with many other things in life, exercise, diet and weight control is about discipline, once you let slip that one time, it's easier to have a second, and a third and you know the story.
So, to all those out there who are struggling with weight issues, keep pressing on, and don't be afraid to work hard for it. Weight loss IS definitely possible. It's about not how tough it is, it's how badly you want to.
Oh, and most importantly, don't ever, ever, ever, EVER allow yourself to get to that point where weight loss is tough, start doing SOMETHING when you start gaining weight.
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