Reflections..

Today, I realized the full extent of my sin.

Today, I can see the full impact of my sin.

Today, the reality of my sin hit home hard and actually meant something to me.

I must say, it totally floored me.

To be honest, its wasn't the first time it has happened, its just that I have been trivializing it all along, and I also unable to really see its consequences. You know how certain sins are, you keep committing it and you don't see it as big a deal.

Indeed, like a pastor once said, "My sin was incurable because I wouldn't admit I needed help"

You see, I was bad at managing my finances. Overspending is kind of a regular affair for me. There were numerous occasions where I did not have enough to spend towards the end, or when I wanted to leave without a job but couldn't because of $$, but I did not learn from any of them.

I continued to be broke at the end of almost every month, and needless to say, have no savings.

Admitting this is hard actually, because it does boil down to bad stewardship at the end of the day. Well meaning Christian friends and other friends alike have tried to speak to me about this from time to time, but I totally passed it off as a personal issue that people should not meddle.

Until today. I actually saw a link a friend posted of a website soliciting for donations to help fund an operation needed for a stray cat who lost half her face. It didn't say what exactly happened, but when the cat was found, her face was already rotting badly.

While I do not really have a soft spot for animals, but the pictures I saw gutted me enough that I actually felt perhaps I could make a small donation of any sum. But I could not. I was THAT broke.

I totally felt sheepish at the fact that if I had manged my finances properly, I would have extra cash that I could use to help those in need, whatever that need may be.

At that instant, I was suddenly reminded of a story my pastor once told at church about one of the ministers who founded the methodist church (can't remember if it was John or Charles Wesley).

Apparently, the minister had a love for art pieces and would go around collecting them. It was recorded that in one particular cold winter season, he had spent his last few dollars on several paintings. On his way back to his apartment, he encountered a poor old lady shivering from the cold as she was dressed only in rags that were not good enough to keep the chill out.

He wanted to give her some money to buy herself a coat to keep warm, but realized that he didn't have the money as he had spent all of it on the paintings earlier on. At that moment, he said he was certain that God wasn't happy with the way he was spending his money.

Don't talk about giving to the needy, I sometimes don't even pay my tithes, and for the 3 years I've been a member of my church, I haven't made my pledge. Not that pledging was made compulsory, but you see, I didn't want to pledge because I didn't want to commit.

I was spending far too much money on myself that I didn't want to give my 10% back to God. Horrible I know.

Well, today is pledge Sunday, the yearly Sunday that we renew our pledge to give back to the church. For the first time in years, I decided that I should submit my pledge.

Although my finances are still in a mess, and I have no idea how I'm going to fulfill my vow, I guess we've all got to start somewhere, and perhaps, the pledge would force me to at least start somewhere and work on me towards spending UNDER my means someday.

May God grant me His grace to help me keep my vow. Please pray for me will ya?