I've got a couple of things I want to say. First and foremost. Since SOMEBODY's blog doesnt allow comments, I shall post my reply/feedback/comment in here. (such a dumbass…wahahahaha!!)

Your recent post, on could have been dead tonight. I so want to scold YOU. COULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL??!! When it comes to electrical appliances, we should all be EXTRA careful. You don't want to end up rosted with a new hairstyle do you? Especially when things could still go wrong even with all the safety test and precautions. (Man… I sound like my grandmother…haha)

Please take GOOD care of yourself ok? Don't let people like me worry and get a heart attack. *shakes head disapprovingly*

Next. I want to thank a particular fella. Haha. I guess you'll most probably find this very puo ma and what not, BUT, I don’t care. Wahahahaha!! I don't know if you'll mind me mentioning your name here, so I guess I'll just keep your identity annoymous, I suppose YOU know who YOU are yea...

Thanks so much for lending me a listening ear during the recent periods when I was down, and overwhelmed with studies, work and issues with a “fren” Actually, honestly speaking, I kind of didn’t expect you to be the person to be listening to me, so… yah, just wanted to let you know that yes, I really appreciate it very much. =)

Ok. Done with the credits. (haha) I did a mini revamp on my room. Bought a new, larger cupboard and a shelve. Im still keeping my old one, for extra space, cos my dad feels that its too new to be thrown away...

I threw out MANY clothes that I either are no longer wearing them or could not wear anymore (signs that im really fat beyond hope liao haha), and guess what? Im left with only a pathetic few casual clothes and a whole cupboard full of working clothes.

Hmm... I wonder if one can tell if a person has got no life just by looking at their wardrobe... wahahahaha!! Anyways. Chinese new year is coming, and I honestly dread it. I HATE having to do spring cleaning, I HATE cleaning my windows and yes, I actually also HATE the visiting part.

Ok, ang pows aside. Its no big deal actually, ang pows used to mean quite alot to me last time when I was younger because of the $$$ I would get from it. You know, as kids, $$ is a scarcity and is hence very precious...

But then now that we are all grown up and out working, ang pows are not that big deal anymore. Besides, relatives know that you are grown up and are working, the ang pows also start decreasing in value.

That's why Chinese New Year no longer hold any special meaning or anything that I could look forward to. (Only the public holidays entice me... haha!!) I know many people feel that Chinese New Year is actually a time for gathering and reunion and such, but still, I don't see whats the big deal about it.

I mean, how lame can that get? Its usually during Chinese new year, weddings, or funerals where I get the shock of my life. All of a sudden, I find myself having sssooo many relatives that I never knew existed.

I think it makes more sense to keep in touch on a more regular basis then having to find an excuse to keep in touch, for example: Chinese New Year. If you ask me, I think its pretty sad really.

More than half the time, these relatives don't really care about family ties and what not, in fact, I think they are sorry to be at any "family" gathering.

Speaking of which, reminds me of a particular incident that happened when I was younger. My dearest grandmother's funeral. Not a very pleasant memory tho I must say. The particular relative is my uncle, my grandmother's half brother.

I know my grandmother loved this little brother of hers, she doted on him, gave him $$, her recipes (my grandmother was a really great cook) to open a stall in Chinatown market, and guess what? He stole her recipes and denied her a share in the business (when the stall was registered under her name) and becasue she loved him, she let him, and case closed.

My uncle was the son of my grandmother's step-mother (well, so to speak, my great grandfather had two wives, and my grandmother was the borned by the first wife), and the thing is, my grandmother (for a reason known only to God) did not like my uncle's mother.

When my uncle's mother died, my uncle called my grandmother to rush down to the hospital to see her for one last time. Apparently, my grandmother didn't want to, she didn't want to disappoint my uncle so she told him she would.

Being already half-hearted about going, my grandmother took her time to get prepared. My mum was suprised that she was still at home after awhile when my grandmother said she was going to see her dying step-mum for one last time.

Well anyways. My grandmother didn't step out of the house when my step great-grandmother passed on. Apparently, my uncle knew cos he called her at home to inform her that she had left.

Several years later, when my grandmother was on her deathbed, wanting to see my uncle for the last time before she left... I don't know if you would call this karma or what, but... she didn't get to see him. She had already saw whoever she wanted and mattered to her, EXCEPT my uncle.

My grandmother held out till the very last moment to wait for him, we could tell that she was suffering a great deal, but she was determined to wait for him, and as a result, she didn't leave with a peace of mind.

Sometimes, I wished she hadn't waited so long, it must have been really terrible for her, she was suffering so much that the doctor told us that he wouldn't attempt to revive her if she left. (well, also because shes old already, so no point, she'll only suffer more)

As you could have guessed, he didn't turn up. Well, he did, but she has already left. He was actually about half an hour late, her heart gave up. The time was 8.05pm.

The thing is, as early 11 am, we called my uncle, BECAUSE we knew that he mattered quite aot to her. I vaguely remember him telling my mum that he was busy (at that stall that he had ousted my grandmother from), and would come down a later later.

Ok, to be fair, at the time when my mum called him, my grandmother's condition was not that critical yet, and yes, we did make that known to him. But throughout the AGONIZING hours of waiting for him, we fucking called him again and again, as she slowly started to fade away as hours passed by.

Already fucking anxious as we were, my dad went out to wait for him at the hospital's entrance. My dad recalled seeing him SLOWLY walking in (as if he was strolling along the streets of Orchard road on a weekend). When they made it to my grandmother's side, it was around 8.25pm. She HAS left.

Ok, nevermind. During the funeral preparations, he didn't help. But it's ok. He was actually more of a hinderance if anything. I don't exactly remember what happened, but I think my aunt asked him to help her with moving some things at the void deck, and he refused. Why?? Because he was fucking playing mahjong. Yes, you didn't get me wrong. Because he was playing mahjong.

My aunt was sssooo frustrated that she cried there and then. She told him that my grandmother's death doesn't mean that we are all no longer relatives. Doesn't matter if you like us or not, most imortantly, she was nice and dotted on you when she was alive.

Well, in the end, he continued his mahjong playing (dunno how he was capable of doing that tho he half-heartedly offered to help out later), and my cousin was the one who helped my aunt out with everything. Yes, everything.

On the day of cremation, my uncle "wailed" out loud, crying out for her, and such. Duhzz... -_-

Got people like that anot? You tell me...

I never quite got over that even up till now, when she has left almost 6 yeras ago. I know my grandmother was at fault when she didn't even try to visit my step-grandmother, but I seriously didn't think that warrants you the right to do the same to her.

Its like she has been nice all her life to you, maybe she felt that she didn't have any emotional attachement to my step-grandma, but surely my uncle cannot say the same about my grandma. If not, then what's all that crying and wailing out loud on her cremation day for?

I don't know about what others feel, but to me, I believe that when a person is on his or her deathbed, whatever wrongs, hardfeelings, and what not of that person should be forgiven and erased, no more hard feelings and grudges.

And people said that females are very petty. Yeah, tell me about it. It was plain childish and downright petty to the EXTREMES in my opinion.

It's sad that my grandmother had to leave without seeing her beloved brother for the last time, and it's even sadder that she had to pay for not seeing my great-grandma for the last time before she died in this way.

Oh well, the world is round, what goes around comes around, one day... he'll know... And that's how I lost the only one who loved me sssooo much in this world...

Relatives? It's ok, maybe it really ain't that important if you have them anot. What's the point of just showing face every once a year and say alot of well wishes that everybody know you don't mean?