The time to start finding a new job has come again. Not because I lost mine or anything, in fact my job is perfectly fine, just that I feel its time to move on. Seriously, I dread it, I haven't exactly been lucky when it came to job search (but then again, when ever have I been lucky in ANY thing I did?)

I don't know if this is because I just started out and thus do not have enough experience, or is it just me? I think its the latter tho, people who graduated together with me took a maximum 3 months to find a job whereas I took a grand total of 5. How amazing.

Sigh. Many people have asked me why am I wasting my time doing admin, or rather, why am I wasting my time at a job which obviously have no prospects. Seriously, its not because I don't want to move on or anything, its because I cannot find a job and my commitments now do not allow me the luxury of leaving without a job.

Another reason why Im actually taking my time its because I do not want to make the mistake of applying or accepting any other job that comes along just because I wanna leave here. Besides, my next move will most probably decide in which industry am I going to spend the rest of my working life in, so I cannot afford any mistakes.

Sometimes I wonder if my decision to take a degree in marketing is a grave mistake. I mean, most of my classmates there chose to study the same discipline as me because they somehow ended up in some marketing job (different from what they did in poly) and hence want to enrich themselves by furthering their studies in marketing.

And I seem to be the only one there who is studying marketing (because I did that in poly) and still fucking dreaming and hoping to bang into marketing field as I did (unsuccessfully) when I graduated almost 4 years ago. The thought that my dream to be in the marketing research field field will never come true scares me really.

I don't know if I am being unrealistic, but I seriously do not want to just settle for anything else since I know that MR is what I really want. I do also know that most, if not all, of the industries now more or less will not take anyone who does not have the relevant experience in.

Of course, I could take the easy way out, that is to find myself yet another admin job in the hospitality industry, afterall, I've been at my current job with a hotel for one and a half years now. But then again, is that what I really want to do? The next level I could go is the sales level, and I know I HATE sales. Sigh.

I've been feeling pensive lately. Is a person's importance/significance in the society or corporate world totally reliant on the job that he or she holds? I mean, take a look, the big shots are called big shots because of the particular title they hold in a big company, for example: Regional Director with some well-known MNC.

SO what happens if the perosn resigns, and is no longer active in the corporate world? DO they lose their importance in the society? Do people actually pay attention to what he or she says anymore if they represent no company but themselves? Makes me wonder.

Seriously, when people ask me what positon I hold or what am I working as now, I admit that Im somewhat ashamed to say. Even if I do tell, I don't let them know exactly which hotel Im working for. ADMIN. Crap. At my age, with a diploma and Im still at ADMIN.

Sometimes when I see highly successful YOUNG people on tv, I feel ashamed of myself. He or she is my age or maybe even younger than me, and are already internationally welll-known pianist or something and here I am at ADMIN. Makes me wonder what am I doing all these while or what am I missing out on.

Not to mention that those people are at a position that I have been (and maybe can always only) dreaming off. My friends tell me that maybe its because those people dared to dream and worked hard towards their dream. Yeah maybe, but I have been working hard towards it too, I dream, yes, I do, and I've been trying and trying and trying (oh, did I forget to mention that I tried?) and guess where am I now?

Still at where I first started off (fucking thankful that I didn't move backwards instead) continuning to dream, and listening to all my friends tellling me not to be jaded or give up hope. Crap. Much as I dared to dream and want to continue to work towards acheieving my dream, Im so fucking afraid that it will NEVER materialise because seriously, Im not getting any younger.

Sigh. Is this some kind of a joke? Sometimes I wonder, if I had been Hitler in one of my previous lives, that perfectly explains why my life is fraught with ssssooooo many obstacles whether is it small or big events, love, friendship and even kinship. -_-