A not-so-surprising revelation

I realize that most of my friends only call me or meet up with me when they want or need something from me. But when I'm down I message people, nobody replies (not that its surprising anyway). Sometimes, I wonder why do I even bother.

Try as I might, I JUST CANNOT understand how can people be sssooo busy to the extend that they simply do not have the time to reply a message or send a message to check why a person has called them. I mean, a simple message to tell your friend that you are busy and will talk later don't cost you anything more than 5 minutes rite??

I mean, if my friend caught me at a bad time, I WOULD do that. I WOULD send a simple short message to say I'm busy and will talk later, and I WOULD also check back on the person later, even if I had missed that person's call or message many many gazillion hours ago.

I don't think that's too much to ask for rite? I mean, is this how you treat a friend?? I'm not a jumper cable where you pull me out only in times of need (at least I DON'T think I resemble one in ANY WAY) and its NOT like I have mistreated you as my friend that I do not warrant you treating me nicely.

And please don't even start on telling me that its because you feel that I'm "at it" again and having said so much before, therefore nothing much left can be said, and so, you see no need to check on me, "cos I'll be fine on my own anyway"

I don't, I repeat, DON'T always tell anyone when I'm down. 8 out of 10 times, I keep everything inside and cry to myself, so I don't suppose its THAT difficult or SCARY as SOME OF YOU may term it, to even fucking reply my message rite?!?!?!

I don't know. If I got a missed call or if I received a message from somebody, I find it very very very very very (X insert number) difficult to NOT call back or reply. Fucking try as I might.

And its NOT as if I never voiced it out to my friends. Of course, its NOT helping, if it were to help, it would have a long long long long time ago.

Is it me or is it them? *Wonders out loud*

My verdict: Much as I HATE to admit it, and much as I would like to continue deluding myself, I JUST cannot avoid the sad truth that, in fact, I DO NOT have what others call: "friends."

Friendship is NOT meant to be this way.